Have you had a tough time maintaining close friendships in your life? Do you often times find yourself mixed up in dramatic situations, resulting in the loss of many relationships? Have you ever considered that maybe… you’re the problem? Sometimes it’s hard to admit when we’re at fault for things turning sour in our social lives, but the only way to eliminate the issue is to get to the root of it. If any of these signs sound like you, then you might have some self-reflecting to do.
1. You can be DEFENSIVE
When someone brings up an issue to you, you automatically jump into defense mode. It’s hard for you to hear criticism when it comes to something that you might have done to upset someone else, so you attempt to avoid getting the blame cast on you in any way. While it may feel natural to want to defend yourself in a heated debate, sometimes it’s best to look at the situation from both sides.
2. You can be SELF-RIGHTEOUS
In any argument, you spend more time trying to prove why you’re right, instead of trying to understand the other person’s point of view. In any general situation, you place your feelings, opinions and ideas above everyone else’s. Believe it or not, this type of behavior makes people want to avoid getting into anything involving you, because they feel that their feelings won’t matter at the end of the day. Make sure to always factor in the feelings of everyone involved if you want a harmonious environment.
3. You can be CRITICAL
Your idea of “just being honest” is actually just your way of being unnecessarily blunt with a lack of regard for the feelings of others. You always have an opinion about everything, and odds are, your opinion is negative. Honesty is always the best policy, but there is a way to say things to people, and there is a way to treat them — especially if it is someone you care about. Next time you want to be honest, ask yourself how you would feel if someone displayed their honesty toward you in the same way.
4. You can be PETTY
You’re quick to be petty and immature while on bad terms with someone rather than willing to sit down and talk your issues out. You go to EVERYTHING to rant about the problem, EXCEPT the source of the problem (i.e; Social Media, other friends, etc.) You wind up causing more drama by the time you actually decide to talk to the other person, to the point where they’re stuck questioning if they even want to fix their problems with you. It’s understandable to want to avoid someone if they’ve upset you, but the worst thing to do is to voice your frustrations in ways that will only make it worse for you in the long run. The one and only person that you should go to about your issues is the person you’re having them with.
5. You can be ONE-SIDED
The friendship/relationship isn’t 50/50. It’s possible that you’re giving less than the other person involved. It takes two for a friendship or a relationship to work, and if one person feels that they’re giving more than the other, the desire to keep it going diminishes. If you really care about the other person, make sure they always know that you’re willing to put in the same amount of effort as they are.
Part of growing up is being able to see the fault in our ways. The first step to solving a problem is admitting that there is a problem– the next step is fixing it.