The University of California, Davis likes to pride itself on being an institution of higher education. It is a campus full of diverse intellectuals, all sharing the same passion for learning. However, remove these students out of an instructional setting and into a social atmosphere, and one might be surprised at what they find.
A year ago I transferred to UC Davis from a junior college in Sonoma County. I like to pride myself on being Northern California bred, so I was surprised to enter a whole new environment when I arrived to Davis. Everyone had his or her own way of talking. I was a little distraught walking into a conversation between my peers, and I began to feel more like a foreign exchange student than a transfer student. There was no translation book for me to browse through; I simply had to decipher the conversation to the best of my ability.
I like to refer to this specialized language as “condensed verbal communication”. It is the process of shortening words, and incorporating them into normal conversation. To understand just exactly what I am referring to, I have provided a translation guide with some examples below:
Translation Guide of Condensed Terminology
Whatevs- Whatever
Hundo- Hundred
Totes- Totally
Ridic- Ridiculous
Presh- Precious
Obvi- Obviously
Perf- Perfect
Supes- Super
Def- Definitely
Struggs- Struggle
Jelly- Jealous
Deets- Details
Fab- Fabulous
Miz- Miserable
Wastey- Wasted (i.e. drunk)
Nom nom- Yummy
This vocabulary has been given its own stereotype: a language practiced by airheads and dumb jocks. Apparently, the students of UC Davis have redefined that label, but in any other setting and situation, our student body would be shunned.
Eventually, I picked up on the Davis “lingo”. In fact, if I ever catch myself using these informalities, I make sure to thoroughly reprimand myself. I devised a personal punishment: I envision the embarrassment of using these expressions in actual situations. To get an idea of just how absurd the incorporation of shortened expressions can appear, I created several hypothetical situations where abbreviated slip-ups are off-limits:
Job Interview:
Employer: “Why would you be a great addition to our company?”
You: “Well, I am a hard worker, organized, and basically just totes perf for this position!”
Application: denied.
Meeting Your Boyfriend’s Mom:
Mother: “So I finally get to meet the girl my son has been telling me so much about!”
You: “Well, I hope he has only been telling you fab deets!”
Breakup. Now.
Going To Your Teacher’s Office Hours:
Teacher: “So what part of the material are you having trouble understanding?”
You: “Basically, everything. I am so confused. This stuff is def a struggs.”
You need more help than just those office hours.
Talking Your Way Out Of A Speeding Ticket:
You: “I am so sorry officer! I know that I was being a little ridic speeding over a hundo in a school zone.”
You just increased your fine—and earned yourself a sobriety test.
Writing An Anniversary Card To Your Grandparents:
You: “When I am married I hope I can experience a marriage just as successful as yours. You two are just so presh! I am super jelly!”
It is confirmed. You did not inherit your intelligence from their side of the family.
Going For a Checkup With Your Gynecologist:
Gyno: “So how is everything seem to be doing down there?”
You: “Well, lately I have been suffering from a supes annoying rash. It is so miz!”
That rash is not your only problem.
Ordering Dinner At A Fancy Restaurant:
Waiter: “Have you decided on what you would like to order, miss?”
You: “The chicken def looks amazing, and I am starving. Nom, nom, nom!”
Check please?
Hitting On A Guy At A Bar:
You : “I just saw you from across the room and had to introduce myself. I normally don’t do this, but obvi I am a little wastey, so whatevs.”
No. Even being intoxicated is not an excuse for this type of gibberish.
As we come closer to graduating college and entering the “real” world, we must be aware of the impression we present to others. We are all well educated adults, so it is important to be a reflection of this potential. In other words, save this “lingo” for facebook and texts between friends, and do not to let it become a reoccurring habit. Monitoring this tendency now will prevent you from experiencing future humiliation.
So collegiettes, I must ask:
Are we ready to advance towards a mature future? Obvi.