When I was in high school, I struggled tremendously with my body image, but I didn’t think that I needed help. I wouldn’t eat for days at a time. I would walk the halls at school and compare myself to every single girl who walked by. “I won’t eat until I’m as skinny as she is,” was a common thing that I would think to myself. I had a terrible relationship with food when I did eat — I would binge and eat multiple servings of junk food, and then starve myself. I was constantly thinking about my body image, and how I would be a better person if I were skinny.
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It affected me in many ways — going out with friends made me nervous. I couldn’t focus in class. I would pass out at practice. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was sick, or that what I was experiencing was an eating disorder. The images of anorexia and bulimia that I saw in the media didn’t match what I was going through. I was gaining weight due to my unhealthy binging habits. I didn’t look anything like the thin girls I saw on the internet.
As a result, I didn’t reach out for help. I continually gaslighted myself into thinking that I didn’t have a disorder because I didn’t match the image I had in my head of eating disorders.
But the truth is, I wish that I had been able to reach out and get help. I was too caught up in my own image of mental illness, and in my head, I didn’t match that description. But I shouldn’t have not reached out just because I thought that people were sicker than me.
You are never “not sick enough” to get help. If you’re going through something, or something is standing in your way, therapy can be a great way to work through those hurdles, no matter what you may be going through.