I’m a strong believer that the way we think directly affects how well we succeed in certain aspects of life that are completely within our reach to change. Other aspects are beyond our grasp — and I’ve given up trying to change that. Closely connected to that is winning and failing — what we can learn from this failure, and what we can cherish from winning. More often than not, I’ve put myself in situations where I know that I’m going to fail. The truth is a hard one, but it’s not an impossible one to accept. So, when I find myself in situations where I know I’m not going to succeed, I ask myself this one question that I still don’t know the answer to: Why do I set myself up for failure?
The answer might sound simple. I tackle more than I can handle, I don’t know when enough is enough, I can’t accept defeat early on, and the list goes on. The truth is, I’ve grappled with what failure actually means to me. I’ve come to see that defining failure as something bad is harmful. Failing is many things, but most importantly it is about recognizing that some things are beyond your control, so you have to approach it another way. It’s also recognizing that other people who are capable of doing this have had experiences or opportunities that have shaped their success in this field or aspect of life. I think that the ambition to always do everything right and better than most of my peers has set me up for failure. It is because I’ve wanted to make the people around me proud that I have caved into this idea that I can do everything, but I can’t. When I pursue things that I know I won’t succeed in because of the lack of time, resources, or motivation, then failure is inevitable. But, this failure sets me up for success in a way.
It is because I see failure as bad that I’ve embraced the idea that I can’t do anything right — just like that, I’ve accepted defeat before I could even give myself a chance. Because of this trial-and-error, failure has often served to me as evidence of my inability to succeed. It puts me in this place where I can’t take chances, or do anything to move forward in fear of failure. Because of this, I have failed in even doing anything at all. With this fear of failure, I refuse to accept even greater failure; by doing nothing, I am already failing to do something. So, what should I do?
There is a silver lining in these failures, though. I want to highlight that failure isn’t bad. Of course, when I’ve failed at something that I wanted to succeed in so badly, then this inevitable cycle that I’m not good enough places me in an inescapable spiral. But I want to embrace failure. Failure shapes everything in my life: from the way that I cook my favorite meal, to the way I finish assignments on time, all these failed attempts have given me new opportunities to keep going. Just because I can recognize that I’ve gone down paths that I know don’t have good endings doesn’t mean that I regret ever taking them.
As I grow older and get further into college, I can see that failure isn’t all that bad. Even if it completely destroys my self-esteem, or leaves me feeling inept as a person in this world, I get over it, just like everything else in life. I refuse to stay in this state of mind that keeps me frozen in time, with no room to improve. The only thing that I can do is keep working hard! Taking in this failure allows me to readjust my goals in life and see what I need to keep working on as I grow older. When there is this persisting idea that failure is something that is bad, we take away the very common experience of having failed at something. When we are young, failure is crucial for how we grow up and what we improve in to transition into young adulthood. Now, we are taught that failure is the worst thing. As someone who always wants to do everything perfectly and better than everyone else, I continuously set myself up for failure. But with this failure, I’ve realized that I can still work hard and get good grades. Even with the ambition to constantly strive for perfection, there is never going to be a day when I know all the answers and can do everything just right. Even when I fail– and I know that I’m going to fail — it is no longer the end of the world, but, instead, a stepping stone.