It’s the first night of Hanukkah, and I just want to clear the air on what us Jews really do on Christmas.
1. Pretend that you actually celebrate Christmas and obviously expect Santa to come.
Some years, Santa climbs down the chimney and eats all my damn cookies and drinks all my wine (Santa likes it better than milk). Sometimes he leaves something good. Other times I get nothing. It’s always worth it to hope.
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2. Get Chinese food and go to a movie.
Yep. We are definitely those annoying Jews that make people work at the Chinese restaurants and movie theater on Christmas. I hate myself for being those people. But, what else are we supposed to do?
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3. Go to the snow.
There’s nothing better than channeling your emotional frustration from being excluded from Christmas than getting on the mountain. Skiing certainly helps me forget about all my emotional distress and angst.
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4. Stand on the side lines and cheer everyone on while they open their gifts.
I provide the endless physical support to all of my Christmas celebrators out there and clean up, pack the car, dispose of the wrapping paper, and get outrageously excited after every gift gets opened.
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5. Text an old Jewish boyfriend because you are just that desperate.
Eight o’clock rolls around, it’s dark out, and you’re very lonely. You know that your ex-boyfriend from Hebrew school in 7th grade is lonely too. So, you obviously text him and see if he wants to eat Challah and drink grape juice together in harmony.
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Christmas sounds like an emotional roller coaster for us Jews (and it is). Give us a break and we will be the best guests at your Christmas celebration. Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, friends!
Source: Pexels