When people think about love, they immediately jump to romantic love: finding a dreamy partner, having your heart melt over their kind gestures, sweet words, and being whisked away on a cloud of euphoria. The desire to be close, to be hugged, and to be cherished have been a pinnacle part of human existence.
Before the concept of romantic love, people correlated that feeling to a devotion to God and God’s devotion to humankind. Love was considered to be how God kindly forgave and supported human beings (hence, where the term “divine love” comes from). As soon as people strayed from religion, they looked for this form of unconditional love within each other. With all of this in mind, what exactly is the definition of love? It is the ability to give care and affection without expecting anything in return.
Society has normalized the idea of relationships, where if you haven’t dated, had a boyfriend/girlfriend, gotten married, and had kids, you are doing something wrong. In that same vein, we are observing high divorce rates, infidelity, miserable marriages, and relationships falling apart at the seams. Why is it that love is so shoved down our throats, yet is also the same entity that causes so much pain? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in a relationship all the time. No, this is not me trying to say that you are “unworthy” of affection and companionship, it’s that the purpose of relationships is deeper, and frankly, more mysterious than people think.
Singleness is thought to be depressing, lonely, and far worse than being in a relationship, but that is only because we have over-normalized being in relationships, so much so that toxic relationships are more advertised than being peacefully single. There are far more people who are in a relationship than what is actually meant to be, because not everyone is destined to give their love to one person. Love is an energy that has to be expressed without expecting anything in return, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you are meant to channel it into a romantic partner. Your love may be destined to be poured into your career, children, serving third parties, or a combination of all three.
What I have learned from love is that it is an energy we are all born with and are meant to express outward. The goal in life is to discover where this energy is meant to be channeled. The only way a person can find true happiness and bliss is if they find that one (or multiple) thing they can love unconditionally. Many relationships fall apart because people set expectations for their partner and have standards for what they wish to receive. The only way to feel bliss in a relationship is when you don’t hold a person to a mental checklist (this does NOT include setting healthy standards to assure a safe, peaceful partnership).
Not everyone is meant to channel their love into a romantic relationship. Being in a relationship is not a good or bad thing, and you shouldn’t think that this is the holy grail of life. Everyone should try to discover the one or many pursuits that they can pour their love into without pressure or expectation.