Disclaimer: If this particular issue is triggering for you, I kindly advise you to refrain from reading this — I do not want to cause any anguish or distress to anyone. However, if this topic makes you squirm in your seat because it is not frequently discussed, I greatly urge you to proceed. The society we live in today is a harsh reality, one that can only be changed if we fight for a better one.
“But I want you so bad!”
“Come onnn, this isn’t fair.”
“If you really loved me…”
How many times have you heard these lines before, not to mention so many others like them? Speaking as a woman, they are all too familiar. While I’m sure many of these phrases can be voiced in a lighthearted, good-natured manner, I immediately shut down, scramble to find my clothes, and bolt out the door whenever I’m on the receiving end of these chauvinistic slurs.
When it comes to sexuality, there are expectations and clearly set boundaries that should never be overstepped. However, today’s society has engrained a concept into the heads of many women that cause us not only to question whether we are allowed or justified to deny sexual situations and encounters. As women, we wonder: are we allowed to say no? If we initially say yes, are we justified in changing it to a no? I truly hate admitting that I used to ask myself these same questions far too often. Nobody has free access or control over my body except for me, so why did I constantly replay these questions in my head? Two words. Three syllables.
Rape culture.
You may have heard this term before, but you may have not necessarily understood the full meaning behind it. Essentially, “rape culture” is a sociological concept for an environment where rape is inescapable and universally normalized due to societal prejudices about gender and sexuality. I suggest you go back, read that again, and let those words sink in. What kind of emotions come to mind when you hear the word “rape”? Many individuals live with that word repeating in the back of their mind, while all their many emotions eat away at them from the inside out. The feeling of being touched against your own will never fades away. That is the fate of a victim. Now, let’s focus on the word “culture.” Culture is literature, science, history, art, and music. It is food, clothing, dancing, and national celebrations. It is the beautifully, sacred customs that we all surround ourselves with every day. Culture is tradition. Culture is society. Culture is humanity.
Now put those words together. Rape culture. Can you imagine? How can a word so foul be put beside something we all hold dear? I’ll tell you how. Imagine a business woman in stilettos walking to work and she gets catcalled because “she is asking for it.” Imagine a young lady who got drunk at a party, passed out, and became a victim of rape, yet she is being blamed for the attack because “she wasn’t responsible enough.” Imagine your future daughter in a short skirt getting sexually assaulted on her way to school because you “let her leave the house like that.” The worst part about this is that you don’t have to imagine any of these scenarios because it happens every single day. This universally accepted concept allows individuals to get away with their lack of self-control and respect for other people. This fundamentally corrupt ideology guilts women into thinking that their consent does not matter and that they are to blame for being attacked against their own will.
We slut-shame, victim-blame, and objectify the bodies of so many people instead of facing the real issue at hand: consent. Yes means yes. No means no. Furthermore, there is no way that in-between phrases such as, “I don’t want to,” “I don’t feel like it,” or “not right now,” can be translated into a “yes.” Is it so hard to understand consent? Why did society decide that the in-between phrases are not worthy enough of a reason to stop? It is way more than enough of a reason. The feeling inside you that says no justifies every decision you will ever make for your entire life.
I beg you all to understand that this is not an issue to be taken lightly. Rape culture is a serious problem in today’s society that we allow to be established. The choices we have made permitted this toxic concept to be normalized. The only way for its power to be broken is if everyone fights to break the patterns of disrespect towards people and disregard for their consent. Please educate yourselves and others on the true meaning of consent. Future generations will be bound by the same chains if we do not act now. If we fight today, then tomorrow could be better.