Ping! Your phone screen lights up with a notification as you receive a text, but when you read it, your mind goes blank: you have absolutely no idea how to respond. As you start panicking, you cleverly decide not to click on the message until you find the perfect response. Then, you proceed to do one of two things: a) screenshot the message and send it to your best friend in desperation for help with a witty response or b) avoid responding for as long as possible until you can think of a good way to reply.
We’ve all been there. Whether it’s text, Twitter, Tumblr, or Tinder, a vast majority of us practically live on social media, unflinchingly using it as a way to stay in touch or communicate with friends, family, and significant others. However, in this process of trying to hold on to relationships, we find ourselves being rather inauthentic. That is, when it comes to technology, we often only present the best version of ourselves.
Whether that’s asking for help with a response, or repeatedly editing and deleting until you find the perfect words, technology provides us with so many ways to craft a flawless version of ourselves. However, these same crutches that we find in “Edit” or “Delete” buttons, or simply the time to respond that technology provides us with, are often the very ones that disable us. While that seems appealing in terms of constructing that seamless social media presence, it often leads to difficulty during genuine face-to-face interactions.
Take Tinder, for example. You start swiping: left, left, left, right. The banner pops up: It’s a Match! After mentally debating for a minute, you hesitantly click “Send a Message,” as you start chatting with this potential match. However, with everything that they say, your instinct isn’t to quickly type what comes to mind. Rather, you read every word carefully, then, taking advantage of the lack of read receipts, adopt the process described above. With you only typing out the funniest, most charming phrases you can think of, and them doing the same, you ultimately end up with a seemingly perfect conversation with a seemingly compatible match.
But then, the dreaded words pop up on the screen: “Wanna meet up?” Uh oh. Immediately, you’re struck with alarm, wondering what you would possibly say to them in person, or whether they would have anything to say to you at all. Wait a minute, just seconds ago, this conversation was flowing so perfectly, a façade only to be destructed by the possibility of an in-person interaction. What went wrong?
Our constant dependence on social media to maintain relationships has gotten us so used to presenting this perfect version of ourselves that often times, when we meet someone in person, we’re met with an awkward silence (or panic that we actually have to respond immediately to what they said) rather than the blossoming conversation that seemed to happen online. That is, when we’re so used to putting our best foot forward rather than our actual selves, it’s easy to forget what it means to let loose and say what comes to mind, imperfections and all, when you don’t have the supposed comfort of a crafted response.
So next time you’re on social media, whether it’s using that perfect filter on Instagram, finding that perfect lighting for your Snapchat story, or simply avoiding someone’s Facebook message ‘til you’ve found the perfect response, try to take a few steps backwards – try presenting a more unfiltered version of yourself, one that other individuals would also see in person, and see for yourself what it’s like to create a more authentic social media presence, one that can actually be replicated in person.
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