It’s 2018. We womxn are out here asking whoever we want out, despite a long, long history of having to wait for someone to ring up our chorded phone, asking to take us to an uncomfortable dinner at which we feel the need to order a side salad to convey how we don’t feel hunger.
In my years, I have been interested in many a person. However, in my many years, I have also never asked any of those people out or been up front with how I feel towards them. I believe that a lot of this is linked to the culture around dating that has existed for longer than I have. There are several mediums that seem to discourage womxn from being the ones to “shoot their shot,” as the kids say.
One of these mediums is prom. As far back as high school, we are taught that relationships are waiting games in which we ought to sit on our rears until someone decides that we are worthy enough to accompany them to an event that’s about four hours of Pitbull’s greatest hits and powdered lemonade.
Of course, womxn can be the ones to ask in the situation of dances, but it seems that media never encourages it to be so. When I picked up my sister from school over winter break, there was a huge sign for the school dance that said, “Gentlemen get asking!” This, though just a sign, already assumed the nature of the event and what went into finding a date.
Moreover, I find the “prom-posal” culture that has been born out of the braggadocio qualities of the modern generation to be entirely disgusting as it furthers the idea that courtship, even in children, is meant to be some sort of peacocking ritual.
Naïvely, we believe that college will simplify this process. In the movies, people just walk up to each other and say, “You want to get coffee?” and within approximately five minutes (movie time) they are the proud parents of three dogs and a Subaru.
Alas, this is not the environment any longer. Particularly, this is due to technology that has been brought to dating culture. Apps like Tinder and even Instagram have pushed people to be less forward in person, as they encourage a boldness that only comes with a screen barrier.
In general, it is rare to find someone of any gender bold enough to just prance up to someone and request a date. (Additionally, what even is a date in modern college? Even Netflix has been sexualized with the good ol’ Netflix n chill.)
Even in the midst of this dating stalemate, it still feels strongly like it is still in the hands of mxn to make the first move due to the traditional ideas of dating that were embedded in us throughout high school and by the media we consumed growing up. Are we still Snow White, crooning, “Someday my prince will come…”? Perhaps.
In this day and age, it is extremely important that we as womxn attempt to break the stigma around dating, particularly who serves as the dealer in the overall game. We need to shoot our shots in order to prevent the next generation from sitting at an uncomfortable high school desk hoping that someone might think she’s worthy enough for a piece of poster board that asks her to a dance in a gym. We need to prevent future ladies from stifling their feelz in class to prevent feeling like they’re “too much,” “too loud,” or “extra.”
The time is now to ask out whomever you fancy — regardless of your gender — so that we can share an equal voice in the realm of romance and shift the tides of misogyny that have been prevalent in its practices for too long.
Cover image source: Pexels