Note: I would like to thank one of my peers for sharing her experiences with ADHD, and I respect her wishes to remain anonymous.
ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a chronic condition that causes inattention, hyperactivity, and sometimes impulsivity. ADHD begins in childhood and sometimes goes into adulthood. There are 3 basic types:
The inattentive type doesn’t pay attention to details. He or she makes careless mistakes, struggles to pay attention or stay on task, has trouble listening, avoids tasks that require effort, forgets things easily, and tends to lose things.
The hyperactive-impulsive type fidgets and squirms. He or she moves around at inappropriate times, talks too much and out of turn, and exerts a lot of energy.
The combined type, the most common type, has trouble focusing and staying still.
“I don’t remember having ADHD as a child. A lot of people don’t. They assume someone with ADHD always jumps around, never sits still, and makes parents’ lives a nightmare. I was the exact opposite—a very quiet, shy child who never made friends easily. I did very well in school, until my junior year of high school. I was very stressed at that time in my life. I was constantly worrying about my plans after high school, and it greatly affected my academics. No matter how much I read the material, I could never retain anything. It was as if my brain was covered in oil and the facts were little water droplets that just slid right over the surface and never got absorbed.
I was convinced I was stupid. I didn’t understand how I had gone from getting straight A’s to suddenly attempting to avoid F’s. I became obsessed with this notion that school wasn’t for me and almost decided against pursuing higher education. I later decided to attend school at a junior college. At my junior college, I was able to take classes I liked and did slightly better. Since class sizes were relatively small, the instructors were able to provide one on one time with each student. I still had a hard time remembering everything I learned in class, but I would usually make lucky guesses on tests or eliminate answers that didn’t make very much sense. Then when I transferred to UC Davis, I felt myself spiraling down that same path of despair that was so familiar to me in high school.
At Davis, I felt like I was drowning in a pool of guilt. I was getting C’s and D’s in most of my classes and I felt like I didn’t fit in with the other students who were doing extremely well. After my 5th F at Davis, I remember sitting on the staircase in Everson Hall. I was seriously considering dropping out of school.
I was at the lowest point in my life. I felt as though I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I didn’t think anyone would understand me and I felt completely alone. After months of feeling isolated, I was able to muster up enough courage to confide in a friend. I told my friend how I could never retain the information that I learned. I would write notes during the entire class and then not remember anything I had just written. I explained how I was never motivated to do anything, including getting out of bed, making food, opening a book, and even walking across the room to charge my phone.
My friend encouraged me to see a psychiatrist. I was extremely hesitant at first because I didn’t want to believe I was “crazy.” After weeks of persuading, I reluctantly agreed. I went to my appointment and after numerous meetings with my health professionals, I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD.
I began taking medication to help regain my focus. I also went to therapy sessions to “retrain my brain” so I could learn how to study in ways that were more effective for me. I met with an advisor at Davis who was determined to keep me on track and get me back on my feet. The results were dramatic to say the least. I felt like who I once was. I was getting really good grades and I perfectly understood each topic taught in class. As weird as this sounds—I looked forward to going to school. For so many years, I was not able to remember anything I had learned. Now I was confident with myself as well as my academic career.
Yet, others don’t realize that I’m still the same person. When they hear that I have ADHD, they’re quick to judge me. I’ve been told that I don’t look like I have ADHD and asked if I faked my condition for medication. There’s no “perfect look” for ADHD—it can affect anyone. The medication I take is not a “magic pill.” It isn’t as though I became a superhuman version of myself and sped through my work a million times faster. Instead, it helped me stay focused and motivated so that I could better myself.
Therapy helped much more in my opinion. Without those sessions, I wouldn’t have been able to use my resources correctly. People may say that “everyone is a little ADHD” or “everyone procrastinates,” but people with ADHD reach a point where it’s impossible to start even the most basic tasks. When I had a 3 hour break in between classes, I didn’t get anything done because I couldn’t gather myself to begin my work.
I highly recommend anyone else who is facing these challenges to see a professional. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. You wouldn’t try to fix a broken arm by yourself, so why should you try to do the same with your mind? It’s normal to feel scared about taking the first step. I was completely terrified the entire time I was undergoing this process. But now, I’m very happy with where I am and who I am. There shouldn’t be a stigma around mental health and we shouldn’t fear seeking help.”
UC Davis provides excellent counseling services at CAPS located at North Hall. Learn more at: https://shcs.ucdavis.edu/services/counseling.html