At the age of four, I fell in love.
Unlike any ordinary four-year-old girl, you would never find me in the living room playing with dolls, coloring books, or stuffed animals. Instead, you could find me deeply buried in a pile of clothes attempting to locate the perfect blouse to compliment my mom’s Banana Republic pencil skirt. Fortunately, for my mom, I was the best four-year-old stylist on the market.
Growing up as a Hispanic immigrant, I felt I never truly belonged anywhere. I was too foreign to be American yet I was too “white-washed” to be Hispanic. Throughout middle school, I tried balancing the best of both worlds and found myself conflicted in trying to fit what American society and Hispanic culture had deemed acceptable. As a result, I slowly started to lose myself and felt as though I had no sense of self. All throughout middle school and high school, I battled with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I constantly hyper-fixated on trying to reach the insanely high expectations set by our society. I hit a point where only negative thoughts crossed my mind when I looked in the mirror.
I turned to fashion as my creative outlet and escape from both social norms and academic stress. My clothing choices began directly affecting my confidence level and the way I saw myself. What many people see as an item to cover their body, I see as an endless opportunity to break the status quo.
I grew enamored by different textures, patterns, and colors. The pure joy I experienced from simply piecing together my outfit in the morning was inexplicable. I constantly scoured through my mom’s Vogue magazine collection for inspiration. Eccentric looks thumbtacked to my wall from Vogue magazine clippings sourced my inspiration and fueled my passion. I learned to push boundaries not only academically, but by constantly putting my best foot forward and embodying my bold fashion choices.
Fashion provided me with an outlet and its subjectivity taught me to rely less on the way others perceived me. Consequently, I grew a greater sense of confidence that translated into my personal goals. I grew eager to take bold risks that put my limits to the test instead of feeling intimidated by new challenges. Without fear, I began to challenge gender stereotypes. No longer did I feel like expressing my femininity was restricted to tight clothing and sandals. Through lots of experimenting, I designed my own definition of femininity with dad sneakers, baggy jeans, and oversized t-shirts. I felt more comfortable with who I was.
Creativity is an expression of my individuality and character. As I grow and mature, my fashion style changes to better reflect my personality. I am who I am today as a result of my fashion choices. As an introvert, it provides me with a platform to convey my personality without having to say a word. It functions as a tool that reveals my peculiarities and establishes harmony amid chaos.