You cheated. Prepare to be pricked by Satan’s flaming pitchfork in hell, sinner. Calm down, I am only kidding — well, sort of. Cheating on someone who you are in an exclusive relationship with is a horrible thing to do and it should never happen. Although it takes two to tango, the responsibility, the blame, and the guilt remain on your shoulders for going outside the confines of your relationship. If the boy who cheated on me happens to read this, I hope you realize the impact your actions had on me. To anyone else reading this, if you are doing so because you have also cheated, have considered cheating, or are currently cheating, allow my words to provide insight on the damage infidelity can bring.
At first, everything was amazing, right? The novelty of a new partner was exciting and the thrill of keeping it a secret made it all the more alluring. The rush of the unknown and the adventure of living a life without routine was a forbidden cookie that tasted so sweet. You created an erotic equation in your head where attraction plus obstacles equals excitement. But once that blissful daydream you had been living in subsided and your precious little fling became the reason you shamefully hid from your partner, what are you supposed to do next? Keep on reading, pumpkin eaters.
To all the strangers scrolling through this, let’s hit the brakes and take a quick time out. Why did you do it? Maybe you got into the relationship too quickly and never wanted to actually commit. Maybe you used to be happy, but things became routine and boring, and all of the sudden your significant other seemed annoying, not good enough, and you questioned why you agreed to date them in the first place. Maybe you are simply with the wrong person, or maybe there is literally nothing wrong at all, but every single detail of your relationship feels utterly flawed. In an ideal world, you would have answered this question before choosing to compromise your relationship with your partner, yourself, and the third party you dragged into this mess. You would have made the mature decision to resist temptation or kindly end the relationship before putting your integrity and reputation on the line. If you find yourself on the edge of entering dangerous territory with someone else, leave your partner because it is better than going behind their back and stabbing them with your deceit.
Speaking from experience, I was the heartbroken girl who stayed up night after night, crying and screaming because someone’s lies never stopped. The level of betrayal that I felt far surpassed the pain that was inflicted when I had discovered my boyfriend was doing the dirty with someone else. It mentally and physically destroyed me. When I first found out, I was rocked to my very core. It felt as if the world had stopped spinning and I became encompassed by a deafening silence. I felt my heart slowly stop beating before it fell deep into the pit of my stomach as tears trickled down my cheeks. Without warning, the magnifying silence surrounding me became thicker than the air in my lungs and I was forced into an excruciating hell within my own mind. This alter dimension within myself created a prison that held my happiness captive. Before I knew it, my sadness affected all of my daily routines. I began showering more frequently, zoning out during classes and conversations, and spending twenty minutes washing one single dish in the sink. The concept of time became obsolete and his lies were all I could think about. I was glad that I knew, but I wished there was nothing to know about in the first place.
I honestly want to say that individuals who cheat disgust me, but I have fallen for their type many times. Who even knows if all of the little sob stories or superficial compliments used as pick-up lines on me were even true. Within the first week of unraveling the truth, I remember my boyfriend aggressively telling me to “get over it” and “stop being dramatic.” Ruthless phrases like these invalidated my perfectly valid emotions. He played the victim by claiming that his cheating hurt him more than it hurt me. So before you make a list of all the reasons why cheating is justifiable, switch roles with your partner. Would you want them to weigh the odds of whether you are worth giving in to a temporary temptation? Obviously, the answer is no.
The person that cheated on me established trust issues that have carried over into all of my relationships. The result of his infidelity was a cynical distrust for all people and it never fails to pounce on me in almost every social situation I find myself in. Avoiding friendships and relationships altogether would have given him too much power over me, but I admit that he made creating new relationships and maintaining old ones a difficult task. Despite all of the sorrow I endured, he ultimately helped me learn my self-worth. Looking back now, I realize how unhealthy the relationship was for me, regardless of him cheating. The dynamics were completely one-sided and emotionally draining. He was in complete control and I unknowingly allowed his manipulative tactics render me powerless. My affection for him was so blind that I put him on a pedestal so high, that I never considered my own happiness to be a crucial element in the relationship. Only after I left him, did I realize that I had been operating under his spell for most of the relationship. His immense amount of toxic insecurities taught me that people like him will always seek attention from others in order to gain the self-validation his oversized ego requires; however, his false confidence is what led him to seeking it from many people. It was never a flaw within myself that led him to cheating, it was a flaw of his own.
For anyone who has been cheated on, I am so sorry. You never deserved the lies or empty promises. Please remember that you are not alone, many people have experienced the same hurt. Today’s society has become so innately flawed that many people find it acceptable to cheat until it happens to them. This is a standard that we all have the power to change, and I ask that you fight for it. If you find yourself wanting to forgive and rebuild the lost trust between you and a partner that cheated, I suggest you give the relationship a metaphorical autopsy by discussing your concerns and letting your emotions loose. If you decide to stay with them, please do not bury your emotions alive. Allow your wounds to openly breathe and heal before rushing back to be with them, or else it may come back to bite you. I would hate to have you experience the same pain twice — I have.
To all of you cheaters, what a sad and pathetic life you must lead.