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Lessons I’ve Learned Since Coming Out As Bisexual

The summer before my senior year of high school, I promised myself I would finally come out to my family. I am pretty dramatic and felt like my entire life was a lie, but I was also very anxious about the whole situation for various reasons (too many for just one article). It just never seemed like the right time, and I ended up putting it off until the day before school started to come out to my mom as bisexual. It has now been over two and a half years since that day. Since then, I graduated high school (ew) and moved to Davis for school. I still have no idea what I am doing with my life and feel like I don’t know anything, but this article will include some of the things I have learned since coming out. Hopefully, this article will be helpful to any other baby queers out there trying to build the courage to accept their identities.

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If you are attracted to multiple genders and are in a heterosexual-appearing relationship, that DOES NOT invalidate your sexuality.

Five months after coming out, I started dating my boyfriend. He is wonderful and one of the best people I have ever met. However, at the time I had just recently come out and felt like I couldn’t be a part of the LGBTQ+ community if I was dating a man. I felt like I was taking the easy way out, and seeing biphobic comments on social media made me question my relationship. After a while, I realized that I cannot choose who I am attracted to and who I fall in love with. My coming out was not “just a phase.” I am attracted to multiple genders (and gender is a scam). Being in a relationship with a man does not change that. 

You do not owe it to anyone to come out to them. 

I grew up in a religion that was not accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. Because of this, coming out to people is really hard for me, and I constantly am worried that people will think of me differently. I still am not out to most members of my extended family (although they might find out if they read this article…) I have sometimes struggled with thinking that I am hiding my “true self” from people, but in the end, coming out is my choice.

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There are more queer people out there than you think, and you are not alone. 

The amount of validation and learning about sexuality that I have experienced on TikTok is incredible. I am pretty shy, so it has been wonderful to learn about other people and their lives and experiences without the pressure of actually meeting people and asking them about their personal lives. That being said, I am becoming more comfortable with myself and my identity has allowed me to learn more about others, including extended family members who I didn’t even realize were also part of the alphabet mafia. 

You are not stuck with the label you choose forever. 

Coming out is hard enough, and the added pressure of determining your gender/sexuality makes it so much harder. Identity is fluid, and it is okay to decide later on that a different label seems to fit better or decide that you don’t like labels at all. You are the only one who knows exactly how you feel, and that means you are the only one allowed to define who you are. No pressure though  you have your whole life to figure it out.

[bf_image id="qb93xq-9srrcw-bowp6d"]This article may be a little cheesy, and it is definitely out of my comfort zone. I still sometimes feel like I just picked the label that was easiest for other people to understand, and I question if I am really “being myself” around others. However, I’ve been feeling grateful lately for the growth I've had, and I hope that reading a little about things I have learned helps other people who are trying to figure themselves out too.

Hadlie is a third year at UCD who is majoring in Community and Regional Development. She loves being outside and eating ice cream. In the future she hopes to pursue a career that combines community development with research.
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