Despite being constantly riddled with confusion, frustration, and dissatisfaction, I love being 19. I am able to receive, understand, and encounter the world through a sophisticated yet naive lens. Blessed with the role of being a “big sister” to my younger brother, I cherish the ability to teach and guide him through life. However, as a young woman, there are so many lessons sacred to girlhood that I realize should be instilled in every young girl in order to unearth the full capacity of their womanhood however they should desire to define it. Thus, I give you a forever-evolving, rudimentary collection of lessons to teach my future daughter.
Failure is Normal
Something that I myself still struggle to come to terms with is accepting failure and genuinely forgiving myself for mistakes I have made. Growth is not linear and nobody has all of the answers to life, no matter how much they try to convince you they do. Fail with grace and gratitude.
Femininity is What You Want it to Be
Becoming a woman is a particular journey, encapsulated by obstacles of love, independence, comradery, confidence, heartbreak, and fulfillment. I’ve learned to embrace and preserve elements of my identity that allow me to feel connected to my femininity. You don’t need to “look pretty” for anyone but yourself. I’ve found myself rejecting the basic conditions of having a human body simply because they don’t align with what I’m told being a womanly being is. You’re allowed to “man spread”, have body hair, and talk about menstruation. While social constructs often try to blatantly spell out what makes a woman and what doesn’t, at the end of the day I am the true founder of my own identity.
Never Stop Pursuing Knowledge, You Are a Student of the Universe
Regardless of what stage in life you are currently ensuing, remain curious. Just when I think I’ve begun to somewhat understand a virtue of life, I am humbled by uncertainty and adversity. Despite this frustration, I find myself craving the childlike curiosity that defines the naive, yet unhindered inquisitiveness that young kids often possess. There is much to learn from the world, from others, and from yourself. Knowledge, coupled with education (formal and informal) is one of the greatest gifts life has to offer and feeling excitement over curiosity is just another blessing that comes along with it.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Oftentimes I’ve found myself unable to say no to others. Maybe from fear of rejection, not receiving validation, or perhaps just needing to prove myself as a likable young woman. I’ve delightedly received unconditional support from my own mother throughout my existence and have been able to not only cherish this support but foster it within myself to flourish as a being. Treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness. Sadly, there are not many constants in life so if you are to invest in any relationship, invest in the one with yourself.
Only Accept Love You Know is Worthy and Pure
Love is not only a feeling. Love is respecting and cherishing someone or something. Unfortunately, I often see girls accepting woeful excuses for love, from either romantic partners or friends. Having experienced my own share of fraudulent love, I have learned to value quality over quantity when opening my heart to others. As girls, we must strive for partners and people in our lives that exceed our expectations, support our aspirations, and ultimately strengthen our perception of what love is.
To end my comprehensive, evolving memo to my future daughter:
I hope to come back to this piece a few months or years from now with refined words of advice coming from an aged woman. With time, I anticipate a progression into a new stage of my womanhood, equipped with new lessons, beliefs, and virtues.