Knowing this, I conducted interviews with college guys at Davis ranging fromfrat boys to athletes to the studious types, and asked them questions regarding dating and sex in college -what they think about it, how they determine one girl from another, and what they look for. Under anonymity, these guys divulged their secrets and what makes or breaks a connection. Some of the answers are crude, callous, and anything but politically correct, but I thought I should share the variety of responses I received in order to educate my fellow collegiettes™ on the inner workings of a college boy’s mind. Anyways, here are the gentlemen… boys… men… bros? answers.
1. When you meet a girl do you automatically know whether you want something more with her or you just want to hook up with her?
The Go-Getter– Some girls I know I will hook up with, some I just feel the water with, and some I won’t talk to. If she’s better looking, then I feel like there is more of an infatuation period and during that period I will get to know her and I’ll see whether we click or not. But other times, I’ll wake up next to a girl and know that it was a one-time occasion.
The Shy Guy– If I have an attraction to a girl, I automatically know I would be down to hook up with her on a physical level. On a less superficial level, there are girls you meet and for some reason you feel like you can date them. After we hook up a few times, if I already have the physical attraction, then I can see myself being more with them. On rare occasions, I can meet a girl and see myself dating her in the future, though it’s not usually what I initially think.
The Player-I usually hook up and see how it goes. It’s hard to say whether or not I will want more because it matters whether I click with a girl or not. Sometimes a light bulb turns on with you and a girl, when this happens the important thing to do is keep communication. When you can’t get enough of each other and she’s always on your mind that’s when you know your feelings are involved and you take it to the next level.
The Unattached– I know whether I want a girl or not within one second; I just gotta look her up and down. You know if you are physically attracted to a person, usually hooking up later leads to finding out whether or not you like the situation.
The Sensitive Guy– You can tell right off the bat whether she’s just a hook up or not. A lot of girls have lost the idea to get guys to chase them, that’s why I feel guys go for the “hookup” girl more often because there are no girls who want to wait for the chase. With girls that I want to be in a relationship with, it’s once I get to know them, so initially I like a girl but it doesn’t matter when I hook up with them, it just matters if their personality really attracts me. After I realize our personalities click, then it’s about me trying to impress her and take it next level.
2. After you have sex with the girl for the first time what do you feel… for a one night stand and consistent sex?
The Go-Getter– If it’s a one night stand, I’m excited about it because its new and I don’t know where its going to lead. It’s cool cause it’s interesting, fun mornings and I’ll kind of see how it goes. I get into consistent sex once I feel comfortable with the girl and the sex is sober, relaxed, comfortable. I believe it is a common misconception that a relationship hinges off the sex. Sex is an added bonus but if it’s only the sex, it’s not worth it.
The Shy Guy- I usually know before the hook up, assuming it’s a girl I’ve met a few times, because I already know what my intentions are. The hook up won’t change anything cause I already know what I want out of the situation. My advice to girls: Even if you hooked up with a shy guy, I’d say it’s safe for you to assume that if he hasn’t contacted you after a hook-up, it was just a hook up and no further emotional interests.
The Player– After the first time having sex with someone, there’s always a lot of excitement depending on how the sex was and how drunk we were. If I’m having consistent sex with a girl, it does not mean I like them—It’s the only thing you have at the time so you are stuck in the moment when you want to have sex but you don’t necessarily like the girl, your compatibility is stuck in a limbo, you’re settling.
The Unattached – Depends on the girl, but if I’m going into a situation thinking it’s a one night stand and it’s purely physical then I’m involved with her just because I’m trying to get my nut off. If the girl is too easy and if it becomes purely sexual, then I lose interest, but if a game is involved it’s more fun and attractive.
The Sensitive Guy– One night stand?: depends on the girl, if I have had a crush on her for a long time then I have sex with her, I get hooked. But if I have a one night stand with a girl that I have no connection with, the next day I realize I’m not into it. Done. Attraction eliminated. At the same time, there is a point when guys get horny and they know that a particular girl is capable of satisfying and down so she becomes the booty call.
3. When do you take a girl out to dinner?
The Go-Getter- When I’m interested in her I want to take her out to dinner, when I think that I enjoy her company. Dinner implies that I want to take it to the next step—not probable in college
The Shy Guy- If you ask a girl out to dinner it’s a pretty decent sign. I’m not the kind of guy to ask a girl out to dinner just so I can hook up with her. I’m a passive person, so dinner is a big deal.
The Unattached– If I like a girl I’ll take her out to dinner, but I’ve also taken girls out to dinner that I feel like I have to—dinner doesn’t have to be formal.
The Sensitive Guy- I’m only gonna take her out if I like her.
4. What’s the difference between chasing a girl then eventually having sex or having a hook up that leads to sex?
The Go-Getter- There’s greater satisfaction the harder the chase. Although it’s frustrating, it’s good when you get it but it’s also great when you don’t have to chase anymore because you have a mutual attraction. A good example of playing the game is the 20 minute texting rule. You don’t want to show that much interest, but you always have to come up with a witty text back. There is a difference between playing the game and having game.
The Shy Guy- If it gets to more of a consistent hook up, I’d be more comfortable cause something is going right, unless she’s prone to games. When you are more comfortable in a relationship you don’t have to play games.
The Unattached- I’ve never been turned down in my life and the reason is that I go for girls that I know I can get with, either because I’ve heard they are into me or they are a girl I know I can get with. Girls who are particularly easy are the self conscious types.
The Sensitive Guy- If I’m wooing a girl I have way more attraction, when you get to know a girl while you are consistently wooing and eventually get physical, the physicality makes the connection very deep and more intimate because you got to know each other beforehand.
5. What traits does a girl have that drives you to want more?
The Go-Getter– Compatibility.
The Shy Guy– I like girls that are confident. It’s my biggest turn on when I can tell they are confident in themselves because it makes it easier. I like girls that I can hang out with and tell she is comfortable in a group situation, she can laugh at herself, she’s fun to spend time with. Besides confidence, there’s the unidentifiable physical attraction that I can feel right away.
The Player– I want more with a girl if a spark is still going after a while.
The Unattached– I pursue a girl when a girl doesn’t try to be smarter than me, she’s not too easy but not too hard. If a girl tries to make you work too hard, you give up because it’s not worth it, but if she’s too easy then it doesn’t mean as much because you don’t attain anything.
The Sensitive Guy- I have to be attracted to them physically and once I actually get to know the girl they can be my attraction level changes based on the first impression. A girl appeals to me if they are attractive, they have a strong personality, really independent, driven, humor is key (especially sarcastic funny). Humor is important because guys tell jokes/make fun to relieve tension, so a girl who can run with that is great
6. What is it about the right girl, how long does it take you to realize, what is the deciding factor/makes you want to date “this girl” yet just f*** “that girl,” can the “that” girl become a dating type?
The Go-Getter- Comes back to compatibility but the moment before you ask her out you are thinking “This girl is perfect for me” and the only way you would think that is if you are clicking on all levels before you ask a girl out.
The Shy Guy– A girl who displays confidence is attractive to me. People are scared to be vulnerable so a girl who is confident around me shows that she has some reciprocal feelings. If she is being aggressive and making it clear that she enjoys my company, then I’ll be much more inclined to make a move and take it to the next level. I guess that’s usually how I decide whether I’m interested in furthering the relationship and whether there is clear compatibility between the two of us.
The Unattached– Starts with how they look, when a girl cares about her looks it means something. She has to be able to handle me, and if she can understand my sense of humor that’s a good start. I also like to deal with as little drama as possible, if there is ever any drama it’s easy to get over her quickly because there are a lot of people to have sex with and if a girl is giving you s**t, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. If a girl is clearly into just me and pretty loyal, it’s a positive thing, because you don’t want to hear that your girl is with other guys. She needs to relay signs (like being flirtatious and touchy) to show that she’s into you, but the signs can’t be too obvious. It needs to be a little bit of a game. There are some girls you can’t stand to wake up next to. They’re the kind of girls you just want to tell, “It was good, but you can leave now.”
The Sensitive Guy– Not for me, because I don’t get emotionally attached to girls who are easy, but it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to them. If I’m horny and in the mood then I will hook up with them but when it comes to the long run, I just don’t flow that way.
7. Is it true that boys would rather settle down with a girl their junior or senior year in college rather than their freshman and sophomore year?
The Go-Getter– If you are single your freshman and sophomore year you are going to want a girl your junior year—guys try to settle as they get older because no one’s trying to be a party animal senior year. By that point in your college career it’s quality over quantity. You never know who might be right for you, so you take your chances with the girl because she could end up being the love of your life.
The Shy Guy– I think timing has a lot to do with it, but age timing doesn’t have anything to do with it, especially if it’s with the right girl. I’m not going to pass up a meaningful connection just because it’s freshman year and I only want to hook up with people. College is a weird time but most people want to be in some sort of relationship. You shouldn’t pass up that opportunity even if it’s earlier than you had planned.
The Unattached- There are pre-existing social ideas that say when you’re older you want to find someone you can get along with and be consistent with. Guys are always looking for consistent sex, and that’s not going to change; so if you meet someone that you connect with, you will go for it at any time.
The Sensitive Guy– Yes timing definitely counts. By the end of sophomore year I would consider getting into something more serious. Because freshman year is all about new experiences, but by the time you get half way done with sophomore year, you’ve seen whats out there. Once you get older you know what you want and you get over the hook-ups and just trying to get with someone because you’re ready for something more significant.
8. What makes you lose interest in a girl?
The Go-Getter– I hate it when a girl overreacts or gets really angry about something that’s not worth getting angry over, because I’m not a fan of unnecessary drama. I also don’t put up with the game. If you are into me great, but don’t spend half the night across the room trying to make me jealous of you talking to another guy… it’s a waste of time. Imagine how many things we could have accomplished during that time.
The Shy Guy– I lose interest in a girl if she is too needy in the beginning.
The Unattached- As soon as there is drama…I’m really bad with dealing with drama when I know I don’t have to.
The Player- I don’t like loud girls.
The Sensitive Guy– If you meet a girl you’re interested in and your relationship just consists of texting, that’s a huge no no. When guys try to take it to the next level but girls don’t reciprocate because of the texting generation, you lose the face to face meaning and your connection eventually dies out because your first impression could have been misleading so next time you hang out she may be different than what you remembered. For example, if she was intoxicated you get a different vibe than when she’s sober
9. If you were into a girl but find out she’s a virgin, would you let her go to stop yourself from being “that” guy? Are you scared of hurting her and for that reason choose not to pursue?
The Go-Getter– Being “that guy” doesn’t scare me at all. If there is a virgin that is down to have sex eventually and is not super religious I wouldn’t be opposed to taking her virginity.
The Shy Guy– It would make me think about it. I don’t care of being “that guy” in the sense of taking someone’s virginity, but I would think more about whether or not I have any further interest in her. If I knew that she was a virgin and we were in a situation where we were could potentially have sex, I’m not going to tell her not to have sex with me. Ultimately, it’s her choice and I wouldn’t pressure her.
The Unattached– It depends. Obviously taking a girl’s virginity is a big deal because the girl is emotionally attached, the guy and the moment will never be forgotten because the question “What was your first time like?” is a common topic and will be brought up a lot in her life. If you know that the girl won’t be crazy about it, then it’s totally fine because yeah, it’s a big deal but if you are a nice guy and respectful then that’s what’s important. The important thing is not to be a dick and understand that it’s a big deal. Better you than someone that wouldn’t be nice or respectful. I like the fact that no one has been with a girl, because then you know that you’ll be their best.
The Player- I’m not going to be the guy to take the girls virginity, because I don’t want girls to attach to me and have that stigma.
The Sensitive Guy– Yes, you really have to take a girl’s virginity into account but if I really like the girl, sex isn’t really an issue. I don’t demand sex from anyone because if you really want a relationship with that person then it won’t matter. She’s only going to give that up if she really likes you.
My favorite side convo quotes:
The Shy Guy “I really don’t care what girls wear out. Girls should wear whatever they want, guys know what outfits are more slutty and they will judge you on that and expect different things based on what you’re wearing. If that’s what you want to wear or want to do that night, that’s fine. Guys can’t do that so it’s a useful tool for girls. What would guys wear to give the vibe ‘I just wanna hook up tonight’?”
The Unattached (When asked about the difference between being exclusive and official)
“When you’re exclusive with someone, it means that 70% of her is good and compatible with you and it’s normally the physical aspect and the idea that there’s nothing else. When you’re dating a girl, it’s because you’re 100% infatuated with her on a physical, emotional, and intellectual level.”
After conducting these interviews, I realized that boys can’t be classified under stereo types and you can’t spend too much time trying to understand how the male mind works. Every girl is unique and her experience with a particular guy will be completely different than another girl’s experience with that same guy. If one guy doesn’t call you back, it doesn’t mean if you do the same thing with another guy, he won’t call you back either. Your compatibility varies from person to person. Unfortunately, there is no cut and dry formula to figure out who your prince charming will be. But, then again, the fun in finding love is the experience of trial and error. There are no specific “rules” so don’t change yourself to fit into the expectations of a particular guy.
-max
photo cred: http://favim.com/image/66352/
Edited by: Amy Coyle