I Found Body Positivity in Being a Cam Girl

There are a lot of things people like to tell fat girls. Among those things are the following:

“You can’t wear leggings.”

“A two-piece swimsuit doesn’t look good on you.”

“Are you sure you want to eat more?”

“You’re looking bigger, it’s not good.”

A lot of these were aimless and repetitive. The thoughts of everyday people I encountered. What was worse was the fact that not only did strangers say these, but people I knew as well, people that were close to me. Although they were “meaningless” comments, they left a bitter taste in my mouth and created someone who was obsessed with losing weight in any and every way possible, someone who never wanted to look in the mirror. 

There was one comment specifically that catalyzed something within me. Someone had said to me, 

 “You can’t ever look good naked. So you should change that, y’know, for relationships.”

It was definitely the bluntness of this comment, the audacity to say such a thing to me just because I’m fat, that made me want to learn to love myself and to learn to love myself at my most vulnerable state. 

*ding* pointlessphilosopher has entered the chat room.

*ding* txsmny has entered the chat room.

*ding* thesameasyou has entered the chat room. 

At first it was innocent, for lack of a better word. To put it simply, I took nudes and posted them on an online platform. I honestly didn’t have a goal in mind for my platform, I just wanted so badly to prove that what people said was wrong. I wanted to show them I was able to look good naked and vulnerable. I would tag the posts with #nsfw, #nudes, #big boobs, and of course, #thickgirls. At first, I got maybe one or two hits a day. Then I found that the more I posted, the more hits I’d get. As I got more popular, I held chat room talks where I was able to show myself live to people.

I always took pictures of myself in lingerie. I took pictures in a full-length mirror, on my bed, sometimes even in my car. I was in full control of myself and the way my body was shaped. Each picture I took of myself was just another big “eff you” to the people who told me I could never look like that; here I was, and I looked good. 

However, what gave me confidence and what made me feel empowered as a woman, as a plus sized woman, was that I was able to love myself and find body positivity because I actively chose to look at myself in my most vulnerable state. I exposed myself to the world in a way the world told me I could never expose myself. There was empowerment in the ability to say no to the same people who said I was too fat, yet who also wanted to slide in my DMs. To me, finding self-appreciation in such an unconventional way made me strong and made me fall in love with who I am. For that reason, I implore you to find your body, clothed and unclothed, to be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. I implore you to take more nudes.