I will never forget the day I was sitting in lecture during my freshman year when I had overheard a chilling conversation behind me.
“I drank so much I passed out. When I woke up my friends were all laughing and I asked what they were laughing about and they said some chick raped me when I was unconscious,” said the guy behind me to his friends in a giggly uncomfortable manner.
The conversation proceeded, but I was stuck.
I was stuck on the fact that he had friends who would laugh at his story and not even do anything to prevent the rape. I was stuck on the fact that this guy, who was clearly a valid victim of rape, felt as though he also had to laugh it off.
A while ago, while I was aimlessly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed on a lazy Sunday, I had come across a shared video of a woman verbally destroying feminism. She made the point that she does not believe feminism is what people say it means (equality for all genders, races, and sexualities). People do not take the concept of men being rape victims seriously. Rather, one of the many focuses of feminism is on women being victims of sexual violence.
In response to her point, I can confirm that the people who have such mindsets are not feminists. Instead they are radicals who indeed hold the values of misandry. Let’s not get the two mixed up.
A true feminist hates the concept of misandry.
However I must admit that I agree, in today’s society it is not yet widely accepted that a man can be a victim of rape. The idea of masculinity creates a barrier of silence. It refuses to validate someone’s suffering.
I mean– why would a man be upset over getting raped, right? He got laid! Isn’t that the goal here? He got laid when he wasn’t even trying! How incredible! He must be some sort of sex god!
Didn’t sense the sarcasm? Well let’s spell it out. Yes he “got some”, but did he want “some”? Did he consent to “some”?
Given the example above: No, he was unconscious. He was not aware of what was happening.
It’s important to emphasize that women can be rapists, just as men can be rape victims. That is the reality. Acknowledging this fact is an integral and undeniable part of contemporary feminism. The fight for respect, sexual validity, and personhood of women is as much of a fight for the same validity for men. Repressing these issues harms everyone unless we reverse the cruelties embedded in our society.
As a society, we must move towards the goal of making men and women feel safe to report rape instead of brushing it off as some “crazy party story”.