“I don’t get why she wouldn’t date me. I was super nice to her.”
“Dude, she totally friendzoned me, and she’s with this other guy now. What a hoe.”
“Nice guys finish last, bruh. Try being more of a jerk.”
If I had a penny for every time I heard someone complain about “The Friend Zone,” I would have enough money to pay off my UCD tuition—including books and rent. Here’s breaking news for all of you: the friend zone does NOT exist. There’s no such thing as being “too nice” for someone to date you. There’s no such thing as girls being genetically attracted to jerks. It isn’t real.
Here’s the thing: just because a guy is nice to a girl, doesn’t mean she owes him anything. If a guy is nice to me, and I enjoy his company, that does not mean that I am attracted to him or that I want to date him. Many times when guys hear this, they get angry. “Oh eff her, she’s so stuck up. She totally led me on.”
No honey, she didn’t lead you on. If you’re someone’s friend, that isn’t a baby step toward something more. It doesn’t give you a “head start,” and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you can complain about her choice to not date you.
I’ve heard guys say things like, “Oh but I’ve had girls tell me that I’m too nice and they’re attracted to jerks. So does the friendzone exist then?”
Let’s put it this way: If I say that I prefer soup to sandwiches, does that mean every female does too? No, of course not. It’s illogical. People and circumstances change each time, which means you should not expect more in every circumstance.
This type of attitude completely devalues the concept of friendship. It makes being friends with a female sound like you came in “second place.” It’s unfortunate that some guys don’t cherish and appreciate what they have with their female friends.
At this point, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Okay wait–all guys aren’t like that. You’re generalizing.”
Of course not every guy is like this. I know a lot of guys who absolutely value my friendship and treat me exactly how a close friend should be treated. So then, what’s the issue? Why are we still talking about this?
Because sometimes, women face danger when they say no.
At times, when women choose not to give out their number, or go on a date, they face consequences they do not deserve. A man in his 60’s asked a 49-year-old woman out on a date in the Mission district. When the woman declined the offer, the man punched her twice in the face and she lost consciousness. Another man locked an 18-year-old waitress in a walk-in freezer until she agreed to go on a date with him. A woman, who was 8 months pregnant, was slammed to the ground and stabbed twice in the abdomen by a man who was harassing her.
Women and their loved ones have been slandered, beaten, and killed just because they don’t want to be with someone.
Nice guys should be okay with a woman’s decision to not want to be in a relationship with them. If a woman wants friendship, that’s her decision. Being a decent human being to others should be something that you strive for, not something that you do to get with someone. Just because you are friends with someone of the opposite sex does not mean that there is a mutual attraction between the two. And if you try to make advances and the girl isn’t into it, that DOES NOT mean you can get upset about it when she is attracted to someone else.