The Dangers of Being a People Pleaser

For the longest time, I thought one of the most important things to do in life is to be nice to everyone. After all, it is such a good feeling to have your social world in balance. By this, I mean that you’ve managed to please everyone in your immediate life.

You took an extra shift simply because your boss wanted you to even though you’re tired and have been working all week. You visited the friend you haven’t seen in a while because she’d been bugging you about it for weeks, but now you have a less time to do the homework you already had almost no time to do.

It’s a great thing to want to make people in your life happy, but when it becomes the sole motive behind everything you do, that’s when it becomes dangerous. You should want to take an extra shift because you want the money, not just to please your otherwise unappeasable boss. After all, that is the reason you took this job, right? You should want to hang out with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time because you want to see her.

No one should find themselves falling into the trap of being too nice, and here are just a few reasons why.

It gets in the way of your personal goals.

If you ever feel like there’s something getting in the way of what you want out of life, you really need to have your priorities checked. A lot of the time, it’s another person that’s in the way. Don’t take this to the extreme, of course. The villains in Disney movies particularly have this thirst for power and achieve it temporarily by literally getting rid of people.

What’s unfortunate is that because of movies like this, we (particularly women) seem to think that we need to be kind and forgiving to everyone all the time. We feel the need to be like Cinderella or Snow White in order to be successful or good, which is so not true! Kindness does take you a long way, but you also need to be selfish at times to get the most out of your life. Find that balance and you’re set.

You aren’t able to express how you truly feel.

The ultimate sacrifice. To truly be able to please everyone, you’re going to have to stop expressing yourself so others will have no reason to disagree with you. Is this really want you want to do? Sacrifice your beliefs and opinions so that others are comfortable? Conflict shouldn’t be the sole reason you don’t speak up for yourself. But, don’t get me wrong, conflict is scary. It terrifies me. Sometimes it even bothers me so much, that when they occur in movies, I’ll have to leave the room.

However, it’s completely necessary for maintaining confidence and getting your rightfully-deserved respect. Know that your voice matters.

Your life revolves around what other people think of you.

Everyone suffers from this at some point. Even the most confident of people have moments of self-doubt. But that is all they should be: moments. Never, under any circumstances, should you let that control every aspect of your life. Allowing the potential opinions of others to get in the way of every choice you make is stressful and elevates anxiety.

We live in a world built upon the prospect that we need others to like us in order to advance, especially in careers. While it’s helpful to stay on your boss’s good side, you shouldn’t have to conform to the person that your boss or superior wants you to be. If this is the case, then you might want to consider a change in position. Just know that the right people will like you for the right reasons, and the wrong people will like you for the wrong reasons.

Living your life just to please other people isn’t living YOUR life at all. There are going to be moments where getting assertive is necessary, even if it makes you uncomfortable. This will help you in getting job positions, forming healthy relationships, and feeling good about yourself as a whole. Life’s worries and pressures come inevitably. Do yourself a favor and don’t add to the list.

Cover image source: Pexels, Kat Smith