Recently, I’ve been feeling very reflective. With a new quarter comes a fresh start, an opportunity to change, whether that be the classes you’re taking or the people you’re allowing to enter or stay in your life. Every year, I’ve made resolutions and goals that I hope to improve on and achieve as the year goes on. This year, I couldn’t stop thinking about what one of the wisest people I know said: you need to find your core values and live by them. There’s no need for resolutions when you know who you are and what you hold above all else.
I finally realized that the core values I was supposedly living by were someone else’s. My main problem is that I’m trying to impress other people or prove that I’m worthy of what they hold dear to their hearts. The truth of the matter is that if you have no core values, you adopt other peoples’ values. That doesn’t make them inherently bad, but it doesn’t make them yours. In the end, it’s not fair to let your identity depend on someone else. That’s too big of a burden to place on someone else, and unfair to yourself.
The main focus that I’m working on this year is to follow through on my established values, because it is okay if someone disagrees with you. The whole point of life is that you’re going to find passionate people who are willing to place their values on you. I am so sick of being the agreeable person who has no opinion. I’ve allowed people into my life that, in my head, balance out my submissiveness, but in reality, just take over my thoughts. My goal this year is to find out who I am so I don’t have to keep being everything and can stay true to my heart. The concrete values I’ve set for myself are as follows:
1. Love
Love of all humans is number one and the utmost priority on my list. I’ve thought a lot about the values I hold the highest in my life, and this is it. While I have given up being everything for everyone, I’ll at the very least love them. My heart is aching towards everyone I meet, and I do genuinely care about them all. I want everyone to feel loved and supported, and even if they have different ideas or passions than me, I will care for them. We’re all human, and we all deserve that love and compassion.
2. Bravery
My main point with bravery is that I want to develop a self-love and respect that doesn’t require a need for validation. Bravery to be myself has been such a difficult journey because I place so much self-worth on what other people think of me. That’s the top issue I have with how I live my life. I’m aching for a change, to be brave enough to let my self-love be enough.
3. Happiness
This one, at least for me, is something that I’ve always lived my life by. To be happy has always been one of my most important values. If you don’t love it, don’t do it. I stand by that, through everything that I do. I won’t work a job that I hate, I won’t date someone I don’t love, I won’t be friends with someone that brings me more sadness than pleasure, and I will not live a life that I hate. Thankfully, I’ve been blessed with a life that I love, friends that are queens (and kings), a job that brings me so much happiness, and endless memories and people that I hold dear to my heart. I do think this core value has caused me to exit situations I know that aren’t meant for me, and I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t. Don’t ever allow yourself to be merely content. Strive to be happy, always.
4. Growth
The last and final one is something that is incredibly important for life, and for the other values to be executed smoothly. Growth: one of the most undervalued ideas, even though it’s one of the sole reasons we have the ability to be happy. For me especially this year, this value will be so important. I want to experience new places and feelings while developing a sense of self-worth. This one is arguably hand-in-hand with every other value. You can’t be truly happy in a friendship if that person isn’t helping you grow. You can’t be brave enough to develop self-love without growing into your skin. You can’t love all humans in the truest form without growing and being open-minded with what others have to contribute into the world.
So, may this new year and quarter be full of self-growth. I don’t advise you to adopt my values, because I hand-crafted them. I encourage everyone who reads this to think about your own values and what you want to live your life by, this year and always. If you don’t create your own values, someone else will.