This quarter, I set a goal of boosting my confidence so that I am comfortable with who I am. Before college, I sometimes felt like an outcast because I didn’t like to curl or straighten my hair (it’s naturally curly), wear makeup, or listen to mainstream music. Each of those characteristics are such small, seemingly miniscule aspects of who I am, but they bothered me. I wasn’t comfortable with them.
College is definitely a place where one can embrace who they are and celebrate their differences, and I was fully ready for that when I came to Davis. What I didn’t know is that, although leaving home for college is practically a “blank slate”, the insecurities that I felt living in the shadows of my high school peers were not quick to dissolve along with my pre-college self. I, unfortunately, felt the same pressures to be “on trend”, to do trendy things, and go on spontaneous trips as I did when I was in high school. In fact, at some points in my first and second years, these feelings got worse. I thought maybe the best way to combat these insecurities was to make friends to validate my feelings and who I am, but I quickly found that, although friends are what make the college experience worthwhile, there was some internal tuning that needed to be done before I could embrace my disheveled, goofy, indie music-loving self.
This year, my third year, as I mature and grow into myself, I have started to take time for myself each day. I realized that I didn’t need to wait for others to compliment me; I needed to start complimenting myself. I remind myself every morning when I wake up how proud I am of myself. I remind myself of what I have accomplished, as well as the goals that I have set in order to reassure myself how ambitious and strong I am. Once I kept reminding myself who I am, I slowly learned that the aspects of who I am that used to disappoint me are the parts of me that make me Madi. Those little things are the best parts of me; it’s just taking me a while to realize that.