As I have gotten older, the desire to be successful has become more prominent. With that has come an endless string of self-doubt and comparisons to others that have diminished my confidence in my own abilities. I think everyone goes through this process more than I realize, but what I have been struggling with the most recently is how to deal with these insecurities. Article after article I have read in an attempt to cure myself from the disease of comparison simply says not to compare yourself and delve into self-love, but I think those are easier said than done.
Being in college, especially, allows this to persist because I am surrounded by people who are literally working their way toward success in the professional world. I am in a creative field, meaning I am constantly exposed to what my peers are doing with their talents. It makes it difficult to truly enjoy the work I put out because I constantly worry about whether or not it meets my expectations or compares to what others have created. Whether it be test scores, social media followings, or job prospects, we all envy others we see succeeding. Oftentimes though, we do this because we only recognize the good in others. We hyper-fixate on people’s best qualities, thus skewing our own judgments. Combating comparison is no easy task, but I think the real issue lies in our inability to recognize our good traits. Focusing on your strengths will help immensely when it comes to your own personal success.
Hyping ourselves up is challenging. What is most important when it comes to ending the cycle of comparison is recognizing that the feelings of jealousy and frustration that arise from it do not help you. Instead, they cause more harm as putting others down makes it easier to tear yourself down. It becomes easier to think that we are never going to accomplish anything worthwhile because it reaffirms our own incorrect biases toward ourselves. This mindset hurts us more than we realize since thinking like this prevents us from bettering ourselves. We start to believe that if we cannot be as great as someone else then there is no point in trying. Thinking like this is a disservice to yourself and all the talents you do have.
Remember that everyone has a different journey. Combating comparison means understanding that a person’s outside accomplishments do not reflect how they feel internally. As I said, everyone compares themselves to others in some respect, so it is important to recognize that they are no different than you. Rather than using comparison as a deterrent, use it as a motivator. Comparing yourself can be a good thing if done in a healthy way, such as using others as models for what you aspire to be.
I am no expert on why we compare ourselves to others and struggle despite knowing all these tips that can help stop the nagging feeling that you are not good enough. However, I know that comparing myself to others has always made me feel less proud of things I should feel successful for. It is the stealer of joy, but I want to work on reclaiming my own faith in myself. Ultimately, what will help the most to stop comparing yourself is to find ways to be proud of yourself. Don’t think about what others have done, think about which of your own accomplishments make you the happiest, and keep them close to you.