What I learned from the book Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids by Laura Markham:
Coaching is a concept that is often used within the athletic world, but it is also a concept that involves other aspects of life such as interpersonal relationships and child-rearing. Coaching is the idea of teaching and guiding a child by engaging in communication and displaying the standard modeled behavior.
The coaching method in parenting is characterized by high support and high expectations. Psychological research states that posing high expectations on your child is necessary only when it is backed up with support, communication, and discussion. Communication is key for coaching because every child has different needs, and in order to understand and meet the child’s needs, the parent must seek to constantly communicate with their child. The coaching method allows the parent and the child to learn and grow together through active communication. One of the successful ways that can foster great communication is being a role model for your child, while also teaching them that you are imperfect.
One may notice that parenting is challenging for the parent just as it is for the child. What allows the parent to raise great kids is coaching not controlling. Most of the time, it is the parent who has to practice emotion regulation. For example, saying “It’s okay, I need to calm down, it’s not the end of the world” can help the parent recenter and become peaceful with their child. Pep talks can be especially useful when the parent is facing a heated moment. In the end, handling emotions well teaches the child to handle their emotions, manage their behavior, and develop mastery rather than controlling for immediate compliance. Thoughtful parents know that every action they do either helps or hinders the person their child is becoming, so they emotion coach so that their child develops the emotional intelligence essential to managing feelings and becoming the best version of themselves.