The Art of Procrastination

As students, we’ve perfected the art of procrastination. And with finals just around the corner, it’s prime procrastination time.

Here’s how it usually goes:

1. Eh. The 20 page assignment is due in a month. Everything’s chill. You have so much time! Why not watch some cat videos instead?

2. Two weeks before it’s due. You’re staring blankly at the monitor. 9GAG calls to you, and after a few moments of valiant struggle, you succumb to its memes. 

3. It’s a week before the assignment’s due. You’ve been typing at your report here and there. You’ve gotten to around 4 or 5ish pages, if double spaced (it’s always double spaced… Right?)

4. Two days before it’s due. Your phone reminders are being awfully persistent. But two days? That’s a whole 48 hours. No sweat. 

5. The day before it’s due. Oh, God. How is it already due tomorrow? You pull up the assignment rubric for the first time since it was assigned. Does what you have even match the requirements? 20 pages? Oh jeez, you’re less than halfway there. Why do you do this to yourself?

6. 8pm that night. You’ve armed yourself with Dutch Bros coffee, a can of monster, and a whole bag of cheese puffs. This report is going down. All-nighter, here we come!  

7. 8:30pm: A short 9GAG break can’t hurt…

8. 9:30pm: Oh, God. That wasn’t short at all. Back on track!

9. 11:30pm: Your eyes are tired. Your brain is tired. The words on the monitor are starting to dance before your eyes. And you’ve actually made a substantial dent in your report; you have 12 whole pages! That definitely deserves a half hour nap.

10. 3:30am: Uh... Why didn’t your phone alarm go off?

11. 3:45am: Should you even try to turn it in anymore? Should you turn it in late? Would a better night’s sleep and potentially a better report be worth an automatic 1/3 grade deduction? You spend 5 minutes angsting and another 5 whipping out a calculator. 

12. 4:00am: Ok, ok. Giving up isn’t the answer. You’re not getting that 1/3 grade reduction, nope, not today. This thing’s due at noon, so 8 hours left to go! You’re going into your zone. Can’t afford any more distractions. 

13. 7:00am: Jeez, light is shining through your blinds. You type a little faster. 

14. 9:00am: You contemplate getting breakfast, but then you'd have to leave your seat, and you’re on such a roll. What if you get writer’s block when you get up? Plus, your stomach’s still rumbling from all those cheese puffs. Too. Many. Cheese. Puffs. 

15. 10:30am: 17 pages down. You’re so close. 

16. 11:00am: You’ve repeated the same idea using different words for maybe the last three pages now. Thesaurus.com is your new best friend. 

17. 11:30am: Alright. Time to pull out the .5 bigger font trick. And... Voilà! There are your 20 pages. You want to chuck your laptop out the window in celebration, but there’s still editing to be done. 

18. 11:45am: Thank the lord you looked over your paper. Having that word in there (curse autocorrect) would have been interesting. 

19. 11:50am: Time to submit. You pull up Smartsite and go to the appropriate tab.

20. 11:52am: Page is loading… 

21. 11:55am: Is the screen frozen?

22. 11:56am: Can this not happen right now?

23. 11:58am: It loaded. Need to upload the file PRONTO. 

24. 11:59am: And... you submitted it in the nick of time. You're never procrastinating like that ever again. Ugh. Time to take an 8 hour nap.