99% of the modern collegiate community has Tinder. Perhaps you’re still saying that you made yours out of “boredom”, “as a joke”, or “the pressure from your parents to find a significant other so they know that you can love”. Whatever your cliché, you have one and you need a killer bio to get those good swipes. I have created the master list of bios which you should use because they’re the bio embodiments of the “100” emoji.
However, I did make up all of these and take full responsibility if your online dating life goes down the drain.
1. “I’m A and you’re B, so let’s C where this goes”
This one is great because it shows that you know the alphabet which is often a desirable and luxurious trait for suitors to possess. It’s kind of punny and it isn’t a Charles Dickensian length bio where it goes on forever (I’m looking at you, Great Expectations).
2. “Call me an item on eBay because I do not look as good in person”
Source: Buzzfeed
I used this in a standup routine once and I really feel like everyone can relate to it. I mean, my Tinder picture is my face photoshopped onto the Mona Lisa so I can guarantee I don’t look that cool in real life. Additionally, I feel like a little self-deprecating humor makes life a little more relatable because we’re all just a bunch of insecure loaves of bread trying to find companionship. Even though you’re all beautiful, this highlights that we don’t always feel like Beyoncé and that’s just fine.
3. “Life is about 3 things: 1) Making that dough 2) Getting cray at a club and 3) Wearing your seatbelt”
This is important because you have to let those suitors know that you care about safety from day one. You don’t want to go watch a movie with a 60% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes with someone who thinks that seatbelts are just a suggestion. No, get yourself a Smokey the Bear kind of man who knows all the proper steps to take in order to keep precious lives intact.
4. “Swipe right for 15 SHOCKING reasons as to why I’m a great catch”
Source: Giphy
This mocks click bait and thus it is timely and relevant. The best thing to do is to have fifteen things that are not as cool as they sound like they’re going to be in order to match the format of the articles you see on Facebook. Then, send this list to whoever matches with you. “1) I love macaroni!” It’s cool, but it’s nothing shocking. Basically, just be anti-climactic.
5. “Former Professional Wii Bowler”
I don’t know if you can be a professional Wii bowler. Heck, I really only played Wii tennis. However, being a professional Wii bowler would imply several great things about you. Firstly, you know how to play Wii. Secondly, you have really good aim. Thirdly, you’re competitive. Lastly, you’re down to do activities that are simple and at home, which is not to say that playing Wii bowling itself is simple because we all know that it’s an art.
6. Just copy and paste your resume
If I know anything about relationships, it’s that they are a lot like getting hired. Just write literally everything you’ve been involved in since the third grade so they know what they’re swiping on: a champ. Also, this gives people ample opportunities to stalk you because they’ll know just where to find you which is, of course, a romantic gesture. My favorite thing is when someone that I matched with on Tinder, but didn’t respond to, adds me on Facebook or follows me on Instagram because they used a detail from my bio or interests to find me.
Ultimately, the best thing you can do is be yourself, but sometimes having a dorky bio like these ones adds a little pizazz to your profile. If you just want something short and a little strange, these ought to do the trick! If you succeed, let us at Her Campus at UCD know. We’re rooting for you!