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5 Things an Emotionally Reserved Person Wants You to Know

I am not a “feelings” person. Never have been, never will be.

The thought of expressing or discussing emotions makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get awkward; I fumble with my words and revert to either silence or sarcasm. Sure, I have opened up to a handful of people, but not to the full extent. It is not something I like to do, and I avoid it unless directly asked in a situation I cannot escape. I push any emotions, whether sparked by memories, music, another person, etc., deep down and forget about them. Sure, many people view that behavior as toxic or unhealthy, but all the other emotionally reserved people out there know exactly what I am talking about.

Woman laying in a field of flowers
Photo by Guillaume Bolduc from Unsplash

1. Just because I am emotionally withdrawn does not mean I do not have emotions at all.

Of course, I do. I care about people; I hold opinions about things, I can be sensitive, but does this mean I have to or want to share any of it? Absolutely not. For me, it is more exhausting to explain how I feel and have a conversation about it than to keep it to myself.

2. It is a combination of not wanting to share and being physically unable to.

Like I have said, in most cases, I do not want to share what I am thinking, but sometimes, I literally cannot. Occasionally I experience the urge to talk about an emotion I am feeling, but I cannot get the words out. The sensation feels like my words are vomit. Not pleasant.

3. Keeping my feelings “bottled up” is not unhealthy.

Everyone has a different way of coping with what they are going through. If you need to talk about it, go for it. If you need to keep it inside and ignore it, that is fine too. Discussing emotions gives me more anxiety than the emotions that I am feeling.

Girl holding heart in sunset
Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR from Pexels

4. Turning to sarcasm or humor is an easy way I avoid deep conversations.

Whenever I find myself in a situation where I have to open up, I immediately resort to sarcasm. It lightens up the mood, makes the other person forget the topic, and I can escape taking anything seriously.

5. We can still have a deep connection.

The people I am closest to know that I am not one for communicating my thoughts. They know what I am comfortable with and when to let things go. That by itself is a deep connection.

For those like me, everything is black or white. With no other options to slow us down, we avoid drama, anxiety, and stress. I have nothing against people who love to discuss emotions, to each their own. If I do not want to talk about my feelings with you, do not take it personally, I do not talk about them with anyone.

Lauren Wharton is a third year UC Davis student majoring in Animal Sciences. In her free time, she enjoys weightlifting, CrossFit, eating copious amounts of Halo Top, and spending time with her family, friends, and Shiba Inu, Mable.
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