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You Got Dumped and You Want Him Back: How to Own This Breakup

 

 

Yea, that’s you, in kitten form, isn’t it? Well, that’s okay, because I’m here to help.

My guess is that if you’re reading this you still haven’t accepted that it’s over and are searching frantically for ways to get him back. Well he may be gone for good (I’m sorry but sometimes that’s true) OR he may just need a little reminder that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

TAKE HEED: There is no guarantee that your ex is going to come back. If he really wanted the relationship to be over, it is over. And if he wants to come back, he’ll come back. You don’t have any control over that decision because it is his.

However, I can tell you what you need to do the second you’ve been dumped!

Following these rules will significantly increase your chances of reuniting with your ex, will prevent you from making a fool of yourself, will save you unnecessary heartache, and will guide you to OWNING THIS BREAKUP.

1. Implement “No Contact” Immediately

 

Honestly, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to NOT CONTACT HIM.

You got dumped. He said he didn’t want the relationship to continue. You just have to be strong and embrace the attitude of “Fine, you don’t want me? I’ll go.”

If he really doesn’t want you, then you should exit the relationship with dignity and grace. If he really wants it to be over, no amount of trying to convince him otherwise will change that.

BUT on the other hand, if he does still want you, you need to make him feel your absence. He won’t come back unless he knows that you are gone. If you’re still hanging around as his “friend” or making it obvious that you still love him and are available, he will not feel that you are gone, and therefore won’t realize how much life sucks without you. Once he realizes this, he’ll be motivated to resume the relationship.

2. Wage Internet Warfare

 

I don’t recommend blocking or de-friending your ex. It’s true that it’s not good for you to cyber-stalk him, but if you’re implementing the “No Contact” (which you MUST) you are running the risk of applying as “out of sight, out of mind.” To prevent this, you should be updating your Facebook semi-frequently. He needs to be seeing pictures of you, your witty status updates, and all your friends tagging you in activities. If he isn’t coming back, this way you are at least showing him that he has not ruined you and that you will be okay without him.

If he does want to come back, he will see that you are actually okay without him and that you’re capable of being happy whether you’re taken or single. This strength and independence will be much more attractive than whiny, depressed updates about how you can’t live without him.

He may panic at the thought of you slipping away. Don’t overdo it though, throw in some not-so-happy updates too, perhaps that you are catching a cold or that you can’t open a jar…you know, so he feels that he is still needed and that you aren’t COMPLETELY better off without him.

3. Don’t Just Pretend to Be Happy…Enjoy Being Single!

 

This is so essential. Don’t wallow in your misery. You have to make plans, hang out with friends, prove to yourself you can enjoy life without him. If there’s something you guys always used to do together, try doing it with a friend instead or even by yourself. Make yourself realize life WILL go on if the relationship is in fact over. Take up a new hobby, meet new people, make new friends, and start doing all the things you didn’t have time to do when you had a boyfriend. Start focusing on YOU. Embrace singlehood!

And, we all know, as soon as you stop caring about your ex, he seems to show up.

4. Designate Sad Time

 

Amidst all this fun you’re having being single, you’ll still miss him and feel sad about the loss too. It’s one of the most painful things in the world to lose someone you truly cared about, so allow yourself some time every day to cry, to obsess about him, and to feel sorry for yourself. It’s okay, just do it. In fact, the mind gets over things by obsessing about them and rationalizing them. Just get it out of your system, so you can get on with the rest of your day without bursting into tears as soon as someone mentions his name.

5. Give Yourself Deadlines

 

If he hasn’t come back to you by a certain date, then step out of denial and allow yourself to move on. You can’t wait for him forever. But since letting a love go takes time, it helps to ease into things. At the two-week mark, maybe delete pictures off your phone. At the month mark, delete them from Facebook. If he hasn’t contacted you after 60 days, I’d say it’s safe to assume things are really, truly over and that you need to move on. At that point, unfriend him from Facebook, throw his things away, and get on with your life. Honestly, after 60 days of no contact and spending time doing things for YOU, things will be much less painful than they are now.

6. Keep It Real

 

Remind yourself that you will be okay without him. Yes, he was wonderful. Yes, you two shared some great times together. But it’s easy to make the past look better than it was. Remember all the stuff he did to aggravate you? Don’t forget there were bad times too. Maybe there were bad times that were enough to indicate he wasn’t right for you.

Besides, there are 3 billion other men in the world. You’re still in college and have the rest of your life to find someone. Don’t forget that.

Listen to Drake:

 

If he wants you, he’ll chase you. He’ll realize he made a mistake and show up at your doorstep, proving that he’s that one in 3 million that is yours.

And if he doesn’t want you, you’ve got another 2, 999,999 that could show up in his place. 

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Brenna Dilger

UC Riverside

Brenna Dilger is not only a writer for HerCampus, but also a Staff Writer on UCR's newspaper, the Highlander. She has lived in Minnesota, Florida, and now Los Angeles. An adventurous spirit, she is most happy when traveling or sharing a new experience with someone she loves. 
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