Winter Quarter Reflection

I can’t be the only person that felt that this winter quarter felt completely off. The overall vibes of these past 10 weeks were strange and off setting. Nothing in particular made it hard for me, my classes weren’t hard and the workload wasn't too extreme. To be honest it was much lighter than fall quarter, so why does this quarter feel so different?

girl reading on train Photo by Will Tarpey from Unsplash One of the major reasons this quarter felt so strange is because of my burnt out. I felt a complete lack of motivation and very low in my mentality this entire quarter. In the fall, I felt motivated to get to school, as we had been in about 5 months of quarantine and UCR started the school year much later than usual. I was antsy and ready to get started, awaiting for my college career to begin and to get down to business. I was excited and motivated to do things, but this quarter was especially difficult for me in that the vibe of it was set off by the lack of motivation I have been feeling. The burn out that I have been working to overcome set me off - everyday blended together, every assignment and quiz felt exactly the same, and nothing ever really changed. My life has been feeling really stagnant and that only fueled the lack of motivation for me. Again, this quarter really wasn’t that hard; I got my work done, went to class, but I think the excitement to learn and be at college drifted away, and my mindset about college felt neutral and unexciting. 

student studying for school Photo by Green Chameleon from Unsplash I also think it's the reality beginning to hit me. With only a week and finals week left in this quarter, it is apparent to me that I will be soon approaching the end of my first year at a university. Back in fall quarter, the anticipation and excitement to start a new chapter in my life covered over the fact that I really was in college. It covered the nervous and anxious feelings I had towards college, and as I got to winter quarter, the excitement faded and the nervous feeling only amplified. It finally hit me that I have been a college student for almost a year and this combined with my burn out felt strange and made winter quarter turn into what felt like a reality check. My mind is blown how quickly this school year has gone by, soon I will be a sophomore in college. Soon, spring quarter will pass by just as these last two quarters have, and I will be on summer break. This concept of having a break from school has been fueling my strange feelings. Winter quarter just feels like a filler chapter in a book, a filler meant to drag out the story and make you anticipate the next big plot point. 

bullet journal Estée Janssens Winter quarter truly felt like it was just there to distract me for a period of time, in a way to prepare myself for spring quarter. 

As this quarter draws to a close, my mind feels the most anxious it has felt in a while. While my burn out is slowly going away as I feel excited and motivated for spring quarter, it still slightly lingers. Winter quarter has felt off the entire time, and I hope that spring quarter will bring about new feelings and a better mindset, that is prepared and ready to learn and finish off my first year at college strong.