Why Knowing Your Love Languages Is Important To Your Friendships and Relationships

Coming into college, everyone suddenly started talking about their “love languages.”I had no idea what they were, or what mine were, or frankly why they even mattered. It wasn’t until we had to rank our “love languages” as a bonding event for my sorority that I even looked into it. But once I did, I discovered so much about myself. 

I never knew how much I valued words of affirmation or quality time until I became close friends with people who valued gift-giving  or physical touch. Taking a quiz on my love languages helped me realize that I have different wants and needs than my friends in our relationships to one another, and in order to make them feel appreciated I had to meet them in the middle with theirs. So here are some ideas on how to treat your friends who value different (or the same) love languages as yourself. 

Words of Affirmation. Personally, I am a huge words of affirmation person. Communicating with people who value words of affirmation can look like encouraging them, giving them affirmations, appreciating what they do, empathize with their problems, and actively listening to them (even if they’re just rambling on). I generally appreciate when people send unexpected notes or letters, or just give me an opportunity to talk for myself about my day or my problems. It can be as easy as a random Facetime or a sticky note on my mirror. 

Physical Touch. In my friendships, I am NOT a physical touch person. I generally am not the one to give you a big hug at the end of the day or cuddle with my friends while watching a movie, but most of my best friends value physical touch over everything. People who value physical touch just love a hug, hand-holding , or other nonverbal  forms of communication. Support your physical touch love language friends by giving them some kind of physical love. For me, when I do make that extra effort to put my arm around my friend or console them physically after a long day- it goes a very long way. It can be hard to ask for a hug sometimes, so if your friend is a physical touch lover, recognize that they probably want one. 

Receiving and Giving Gifts. I am the most awkward person when it comes to receiving gifts. I never know how to respond, but my friends who love receiving gifts don’t care if it’s the nicest thing in the world, they care about thoughtfulness. For my housemate who has a hard week and loves receiving gifts, that can look like a bouquet of flowers or picking up Starbucks for her. Small things matter in a big way for people who love receiving gifts, and being the recipient of someone who loves giving gifts can simply mean expressing gratitude for their time and energy to think of you. 

Quality Time. A close second for myself, quality time is everything in a friendship, romantic relationship, or anything else. One on one time is critical. My boyfriend is absolutely a quality time person and this can be simply going together to the grocery store or taking a drive and being around each other. For someone who values quality time, creating special moments together is huge. It’s the stargazing dates or the walks through a beach town. For my friends who value quality time, it’s simply showing up and sitting through a movie together while making jokes about it. 

Acts of Service. Acts of service sound  like, “I’ll help with…”For people who are busy bees and always on the go, acts of service are huge. It’s rolling the trash cans out or helping out with an essay. Going out of your way to alleviating  the stress of everyday life is crucial for people who appreciate acts of service over anything else. 

Understanding your own love language in conjunction with your friends and family is crucial to meaningful relationships. I wish I would have learned more about my own earlier so that I could have developed more into a better friend for people in my past. I encourage everyone to learn their own love language and how they can support their friends through that and within their own capabilities. 

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• love language
• relationships