My nightly routine always ends with watching Princess and the Frog. I started finishing my day this way when my lovely aunt played it once before settling into bed. Every time I’d visit and spend the night with her, it was a shared routine to hop onto the Disney+ streaming app and watch the 2D animated movie with the opening scene of little Tiana and her friend Charlotte being read the princess and the frog fairytale. One day, when we played the film and the scene where Prince Naveen ripped his royal outfit off to reveal his mundane clothes, a question appeared in my head. Is this standard of the prince going to great lengths for the women he loves the reason for women’s standards of their romantic partners so high? My original question wasn’t as complex. I recall pointing at the screen and shouting to my aunt, “is he the reason why I have such high romantic expectations?!” We laughed at the time, but it made me think. Why do Disney Princess movies show unrealistic notions of love? And why do we, as women, soak it up?
Every Disney princess film has the typical trope of the princess needing a prince to save her or having a prince as a romantic partner. In The Princess and the Frog, Tiana doesn’t need saving from Naveen, yet he becomes her partner by the end of the 2D animation. His character development starts with him being a “spoiled little rich boy,” as Tiana had said, eventually falling in love with the main character, and his arc changed his attitude to become more hardworking, responsible, and humble to win Tiana’s love. Doesn’t that sound amazing? A man loves a woman so much that he changes to be with her. I love it, but that’s where this unrealistic expectation of romance comes in. All of the Disney princes do something heroic or change themselves for the better. They will do literally anything to make their princess happy. Flynn Ryder from the movie Tangled changed his dream of wanting a big castle to being with Rapunzel. In Mulan, Shang accepts that Mulan is a warrior despite being a woman and loves her for it. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast went from scary and mean to a lover boy for Belle. All of these films have the same trope. The prince falls for the princesses and changes their dreams, perspectives, and attitude to be with them.
It sounds so amazing to be loved so much that the person is willing to change for you and go to great lengths to show that they love you by changing themselves for the better, but it’s not reality. It doesn’t take that instantaneous moment when the prince realizes he’s in love and wants to be with the princess forever. In the real world, it takes multiple challenges and obstacles to realize that you want to change yourself for the better. Oftentimes, it’s not even the person you want to be better for. And sometimes, the most valuable transformation is that one you do for yourself. It’s unfair for yourself or a potential romantic partner to set standards you see in a film that’s meant for audiences that desire romance. The creators of these films often tap into what women seek in romantic partners who do “just because” things like flowers, surprise visits, or grand declarations of love. It’s not impossible for romantic partners to do those things, but it’s not something you should compare to the love or commitment you’re experiencing. It takes communication, connection, and support, not just the grand gestures. It doesn’t hurt to dream that the impossible can be possible, right? But, it’s important to remember that life gets in the way, romantic partners and you have responsibilities to take care of. It’s not a fairytale.
Constantly imagining that romantic partners can do things that Disney princes do can create false expectations of potential romantic partners. Thinking that your partner will always click with you, give 100% of your energy, and be able to act out grand gestures isn’t an accurate representation of love. It takes a lot of effort to keep the love going in a relationship, and it doesn’t happen easily all the time. Prince Naveen can’t be an example of what love is because it took him a day to realize he loves Tiana and on the same day to adjust how he thought about the world. Most days, a romantic partner won’t have 100% to give and will only give the energy they have during that time. It’s about being understanding and giving your partner and even yourself grace. Believing that the representation of love in a Disney Princess film is reality can be harmful to you. It could make it difficult to meet someone because they don’t check off all the boxes. It will only bring disappointment into your potential relationships or your solid ones. Following the checklist of a Disney prince’s effort in a relationship isn’t the most useful. Don’t fall into the Disney prince trap!