Reflecting on my One Year Lockdown Anniversary

I’m sure everyone can relate when I say the daily snapchat memory pop-ups can be kind of the worst, especially now. I am continuously reminded that just over a year ago I was celebrating my coworkers 22nd birthday, or going on a King Taco run with my friend, or having drinks with my mom in Vancouver, and everytime I am taken aback that all this took place in 2019 or 2020. But today, the weirdest memory came up. It was just a picture of me and one of my friends eating donuts, but it was also the last time I saw any of my friends from college. At that point in-person classes and finals had already been canceled for the quarter, so we were taking a Spanish final over Skype. Little did we know that we would not be leaving for an extended two week spring break, but we would all be moving back home, staying at home under the first statewide quarantine.

I know it’s normal to reflect on the last day of December, but it feels appropriate to reflect right now. If I try to come up with one word to describe the last 12 months, the only one that comes to mind is “overwhelming,” both to describe my personal life and the world at large. The US has had a historic election, survived an insurrection, and witnessed Texas freeze over. Simultaneously, the Black Lives Matter movement lit a fire under the American people, forcing everyone to stop being apathetic or taking a “middle ground position” on police brutality and systemic racism. The west coast lit on fire, a few times, highlighting the inevitable consequences of global warming. It was a year of progress and setbacks and tragedy, and so chaotic that it makes it confusing to define how I felt about the year.

When I write all that out, it makes all the changes in my life seem far less Earth shattering. I moved back home, I couldn’t work anymore, I struggled, and still struggle, a lot with my mental health, and everyone in my family except me got COVID. My life does not compare to the tragedy the world has endured, but in conjunction with it, it was a lot. But I have no right to be a total cynic. I finally entered my 20s, I studied for and took the LSAT, I applied and got into my top law school, and I started my last year of college. In the midst of everything that’s happened, it feels silly to say that this year I have experienced my greatest accomplishments, which just adds to the overall feeling of being overwhelmed. So in reflection, I have no idea how I feel about this year. All I know is that I’ve changed, and the world has changed even more. I can only hope that by next March, we’ve all experienced more progress than tragedy.

• COVID-19
• self reflection