I currently attended the University of California, Riverside. While it is the perfect fit for a lot of people, right off the bat I truly felt like it wasn’t the place for me. I really wanted to stay within a reasonable drive of my home, so no more than 50 miles, but I sacrificed a better fit for my student type for proximity. I didn’t love the city, I didn’t love the campus, and the college with my major wasn’t the best program for me. I spent the entirety of my fall quarter feeling extremely sad and worn down, I felt defeated by my options and the choices I had made. I did nothing other than schoolwork, crying, and contemplating that quarter. I truly wasn’t happy where I was. By the end of November, I was tired of feeling this way, and decided to apply to two other UCs, UCLA and UCI, the day before applications closed.
I anxiously waited until the end of April to receive the news from these two schools, and on the same day I got answers from both. I was rejected from UCLA and waitlisted at UCI. What I thought would give me more options only confirmed my current situation. I felt even more stuck than I had before, I had exhausted all my efforts and reaped no benefits. I was willing to just give up and accept my situation, but my best friend from high school convinced me to accept my waitlist position at UCI and see what happened. Again, a day before the deadline, I submitted my waitlist acceptance.
While waiting to hear back about both UC applications and my subsequent waitlist decision, I decided that my situation was only going to get worse if I didn’t get involved in campus life. The first thing I did was join a water polo club team at the start of winter quarter, which was the sport I played in high school. Then I joined my campus’ Her Campus writing committee towards the middle of winter quarter. I applied to a lifeguarding job on campus, and a volunteer position for sexual violence education at UCR. I attended events on campus, I went on field trips with my classes, and I got more involved with my Honors community. I was finally trying to lay down roots, and make the best of my situation. Even though I was still just as disappointed with my academic experience, I was enjoying the hustle and bustle of my extracurricular activities.
(Photo via UCI Unfiltered)
Then last week I finally got my waitlist decision, and I had been accepted to UCI. I was suddenly presented with an option, a way out, but instead of immediately fleeing, I was genuinely conflicted. I didn’t know if I wanted to leave all I had established at UCR. UCI had more to offer me academically, but at UCR I had already secured my place and involvement in all the activities that meant something to me. I didn’t know if it was worth it to start all over again.
It’s now Saturday evening, June 1st, and I’m still confused. I can’t tell if I’m content or complacent in my current situation, if I’m cautious or scared of change. I don’t know if I can handle the switch to a campus so much bigger and so different from the one I’m at. I don’t know if it’s worth it to risk not having all the extracurricular positions I have at UCR to have a more suitable academic experience at UCI. Laying down roots made my experience much more bearable, but it also made me unsure of leaving.