Break ups can be hard. No one prepares you for the day the love of your life walks out of it. The first few weeks are filled with anxiety in the early mornings and depression throughout the day. Sometimes you may even dream of them. It feels like there is no escape except accepting the reality of the break up. Thoughts like, “Was I not good enough?” roam through your head. Reality check. You’re freaking amazing. Here are a few ways to help get through the grief.
- Cut off all contact with your ex.
I know it can seem impossible after texting and calling them everyday. Your body suffers withdraws and the only thing your brain can think to do to stop the physical pain is to get them back. But stop! Don’t call them, don’t text them, and don’t spy on them. It’s better to not know what they are doing or thinking without you. Keeping contact with an ex can interfere with your healing process. It gives you hope, and breadcrumbing can keep you in a state of constant worry and anxiety. Once they stop prioritizing you and you feel the shift in their energy, it’s devastating. Put yourself first, and don’t give them attention. Let them move on, and let them miss you. No Contact is not to win them back, but for your body to learn how to self-regulate and for you to remember that life goes on without them. Begging for their attention will only push them further away. Let them stand by their decision, and take this time to grieve and let out the emotional pain of losing someone who still lives.
- Let go of future plans
The hardest part of the relationship grief is letting go of any future plans. Holidays with family, planned birthdays and family dinners. Try journaling the things you are going to miss and brain dump how you feel in that moment. Allow yourself to feel the pain and do not delay the process. Be kind to yourself and remember that there is no timeline on your healing journey. Delete your social media posts of your ex partner, remove them from your bio. The sooner your mind passes the denial phase, the easier each day will get. Look around your room, and if there are any pictures or gifts that trigger your heartbreak, put them away in a box and shove them in the back of your closet until the day you are finally able to throw them out.
- Make peace with your new reality
The easiest way to transition past the denial phase is to make peace with your new life. Try hanging out with your friends and family members who you haven’t seen in a while. Go for a walk when your mind is over thinking and listen to a new podcast. Journal how you feel and reflect on the relationship. Be kind to yourself during this transition from your old life to your new one. Remember it is okay to feel strong emotions like anger, regret, and denial. They are all part of the grieving process. Once you’ve settled in a state of acceptance, you may feel waves of depression and loneliness. This final stage is where you can excel and launch yourself forward. Try working on yourself, hitting the gym, and making new friends.
To recap, your healing journey will look different from someone else’s. Remember to not compare yourself to the progress of others, and to continue working on yourself to become the best version of you that your ex will not recognize. Break ups can be a big change in our lives so don’t try to rush by dating too soon. Eventually, the pain will lessen and you will begin to feel like yourself again. Until that day comes, keep showing up for yourself and don’t let the break up define who you are.