It’s that time of the year again, you can no longer take shelter behind your textbooks and upcoming deadlines. Your family is expecting you to visit for the holidays!
Never mind that you haven’t seen them in months and have matured in the years you’ve spent in college, you’re still treated like the baby of the family. (Sometimes even if you’re the oldest.) Where do I even start? How does one explain what going home for the holidays is like…??
First you run into that aunt that comments on your weight like clockwork, “Ohh, you’ve put on a little bit of weight.” Never mind that you haven’t gained a pound since the 9th grade, she still thinks you look fat.
Then there’s your mom, who bless her soul, always says you look too thin and that you need to eat more.
There’s those friends of the family that you wonder who keeps inviting. Being questioned on your terminal singleness shouldn’t be allowed if you don’t share genetics.
Everyone has those two cousins you’re embarrassed to share a last name with. Here comes the first one who has no idea how hard you work. “So how much longer until you finally graduate.” Excuse me for not enrolling in an 18 month program that I saw on television.
Here’s comes the other one, “So you’re majoring in (choose any social science), does that even make any money?” Of course it does! If people get paid for picking up garbage I think I’ll earn a decent salary as a psychologist! (Can you tell I’ve heard this question more than once?)
Oh, there’s your fat shaming aunt again. (Did I mention she’s almost always larger than you.) “When are you finally coming home?” she asks between commenting on your weight. Don’t they know the plan is to graduate and run for the opposite coast?!
I love my mother, but she sure does like to take advantage of me being home. “Take out the trash, clean these beans, water my plants, sweep the chimney.” (Okay we don’t have a chimney.) The moms on ABC Family welcome their college kids with fresh baked cookies, not threats to donate the few things you left behind in your old bedroom. But she’s your mom, so shut up and do it.
And then back to your single life as you hear about all the high school friends and semi distant relatives who are married with kids. Or just with kids. (Mostly just with kids.) Their children are all the birth control you need.
We all have that relative that attacks us with the same old speech, “You’re forgetting your culture, why don’t you speak in (choose any language besides English) anymore?” Excuse me for choosing to speak in the language I have spent the last 16 years of my life being educated in. Cry me a rio. (That’s Spanish for river.)
Your poor mom is so out of loop with your social life. “Are you going to see Veronica before you go back to school?” Never mind you haven’t spoken to Veronica since the 10th grade.
Being in college makes you forget that children exist sometimes, or at least that you know any personally. Kids are everywhere and they’re not like the ones at Target that you can pass dirty looks at.
You try to have fun while also stealthily avoiding running into any high school boyfriends. Must stay away from Target, the movie theater and all parks. (There’s not much to do in my hometown.) To be safe just spend your entire vacation hidden at home, better safe than running into former high school friends.
It’s not all bad though, think of the food! So much of it and you’re home for such a short time, which means your mom only makes your favorites. Is she trying to trick you into staying??
No break lasts forever (unless you’re graduating, then yes, you are free forever). Eventually you have to go back to school, so steal as many toiletries as you can, grab all the nonperishable food that can fit into your suitcase, and kiss that crazy family of yours goodbye. At least until the next holiday…