It’s the beginning of a new quarter and lucky you, that cutie you’ve been eyeing since your first quarter at UCR is in the 8 a.m. discussion that you had to sign up. And what do you know, attraction leads to a light conversation, numbers are exchanged, and by Week 3 he’s sent you a Facebook request! You’re on a roll! As weeks pass, texting conversations go from what’s going to be on the next quiz to what you’re doing next weekend, and he “liked” your Facebook status about how excited you are about the upcoming Zion I show at The Barn. Could this be too good to be true? Is he a potential partner or just a spring fling? Genuine college guys can be difficult to find, especially if your main mode of communication is through flirty texts and comments online, so how do you pick out the ones who are in it for the long run, seeking friendship, and those who want to hit it and quit it?
Just Friends
He talks to you like you’re one of the bros! He likes to tell you about the gnarly bowel movement he just passed after inhaling an order of Santana’s Carne Asada fries for lunch, or goes on and on about MW3 as if you play on Veteran. If he’s doing this then he’s way too comfortable with you. But then again that can be good sign! A lot of relationships start out as friendships so be sure to you make your intentions clear and I’m sure that with given time he’ll come to see you as more than a friend.
He talks to you about other girls! If he sends you the link to the girl’s Facebook profile that he sits behind in class every week, or points out cute girls on campus, I’m sorry fellow Collegiette but I’m afraid that you’ve been friend zoned. This means that he values your opinions and wants the green light from you to pursue his attractions. This may be heartbreaking news for you if you thought that you guys had a “thing” but don’t be jealous, because it’s a two-way street. Here’s what you can do. You can put him to the test. If you start pointing out cute guys on campus make sure to take note of his reaction. If he gets upset then he may be a little jealous thus meaning that he might have a little crush on you too whether he knows it or not.
[pagebreak]
Totally Into You
He sends you “good morning” and “goodnight” texts! Probably the most obvious sign that guys can give if they like you. You’re the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up and he wants to start the day off right by having a conversation with you. He may go on about asking you how you slept or if you had any dreams (He’s hoping they were about him!). If he texts you “goodnight” he’s giving you a heads up that he’ll be going to bed so you’re not worried that he’s not texting you back right away.
He keeps you updated with his life!You may think it’s random that he sent you a picture of his new haircut or told you out of the blue what him and his buddies are doing at the moment, but this is a good sign! He’s keeping you involved in what he’s doing and wishes that you were there with him. By sending you a picture or giving you the play-by-play as to what’s going on at a party he’s at, he can simulate it. A sure sign that he’s into you is if he makes it known to you that he’s with other friends but he continues to text you constantly. He has plenty of people he can actually talk to in person, but he’d still rather text you. Feel special!
He’ll privately message you to chat! Rather than asking you how you’re doing through a wall post, he’ll take the time and online chat you so he can get a response from you quickly. This means that hegenuinely enjoys talking to you! Another sure sign is if he texts you often throughout the day. Talking to you is a part of his everyday routine now. “If I’m interested in a girl I’ll want to make the conversation more intimate by not being as public.” – Andrew, 20.
He asks personal questions!
Most guys aren’t that great of talkers but most will listen to what you have to say. Through texts, he obviously can’t hear the sound of your voice but if he asks you questions he’s trying to keep the conversation going. The type of question also matters. Most guys will ask “how” questions like “How are you?” or “How was class?” but deeper conversations come from the “why”. He may ask yousomething like “Why did you choose your major?” or “Why do you like this band?” He wants to get to know you better by processing how you think and how you evaluate your likes and dislikes. A great plus is if he remembers the little things that you once said and brings them up again in conversation.
[pagebreak]
Red Flags! Don’t fall into these traps!
His responses are short! If you just explained to him something you’re interested in, like the plot of your favorite new TV show, or something that is very important in your life, like the relationship you have with your parents, and all he has to say is “Oh cool” and then proceeds to change the topic to something completely different, that means he’s not interested in you for your personality. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s trying to get it in right away, but why waste your time on a guy that doesn’t put any effort into getting to know you? “I hate it when guys don’t take the time to write something with any thought. ‘K’ does not do it” – Elsa, 21.
He only hits you up to party! It is usually a bad sign if a guy only hits you up to come out and party with him but never wants to go out to lunch or hang out in the daytime. He also knows that you’ll look your absolute best if you’re heading out to a party and won’t mind being seen with you then. He may also think that if you’re intoxicated that this will increase his chances of getting laid.
He constantly mentions how sexy or hot you are! You might think you’re special when he’s complementing you about how hot you look in your new profile picture, but if that’s all he ever mentions, then he’s just trying to butter you up so you’re comfortable having sex with him later on.
He talks about sex constantly! Depending on how comfortable you are talking about your sex life, questions like “where’s the craziest place you’ve done it?” or “are you a virgin?” are normal and acceptable once or twice if a guy is trying to get to know you. We’re all adults and there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to sex, however if conversations escalate to more X-rated content (describing positions and kinky stuff he likes to do) and if it’s constant then that’s a red flag for “I want to get in your pants and show you.”