College is a time for people to discover and obtain life long friends, but what if this process is turning out to be slower than ever. Not everyone begins college with this realization Also life long friends are hard to come by when you aren’t actively involved in a campus club. Often times managing class schedules and trying to maintain a social life can be overwhelming. Sometimes, there are moments of abrupt loneliness. It’s a moment of exclusion and unhappiness all together. College Loneliness is hard to combat because it can begin at anytime. For instance, in a lecture hall when your friends are sitting next to you and are talking to amongst themselves or before you go to bed at night. It’s a difficult topic to overcome, but here are a few suggestions on how to acknowledge and cope with this feeling.
Independence vs. Isolation
In college, students are away from their homes and there isn’t extra support of familiar friends and family. With a new set of time-consuming responsibilities this can be mishandled through this idea of independence. Independence can be good in a sense of learning how to process stressful test deadlines or figuring out how to manage money for the month. Throughout gaining this independence students are able to recognize the power of productivity by maximizing their time. However, sometimes too much independence can leave people feeling isolated and disconnected. It’s important to have some sort of accountability. This can be applied when a person studying together with a group of like-minded friends who want to do well on a test. Doing FAFSA or maintaining a clean apartment alone is not a bad thing, but when tasks are constantly done alone it can dissociate individuals to be involved and stay socially active.
(Image by Psychology Today)
4 Main Steps
1. Step Outside of your Comfort Zone
What does this even mean? It’s a common phrase that can be applicable to any area of life. In this case think about a part in your life where you feel scared to step out. Is it with a poetry piece you’ve been dying to share? Is it a cool person you really wanted to befriend? Start with little steps like saying hi or asking questions based on common interests. Take small risks and eventually you’ll see the results.
2. Take time to Self Reflect NOT dwell
Self awareness is a key way to manage one’s emotions of loneliness. Especially during the chaotic college life of meeting new people and experiencing new changes. Take time to reflect on your honest thoughts and feelings throughout the quarter. Attitude is everything. It’s ok to understand if you were hurt about a certain incident with a friend, but dwelling on the situation can create more damage than progress. Acknowledge the reality of how you were feeling and move forward with a realistic, yet positive approach
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3. Join a Club with Shared Interests
There’s is nothing better than the feeling of relating to someone else about something you’re passionate about. If you are also curious about a club take a step and check out one of their general meetings. When you go out and make friends who have similar interests it can refine your sense of social belonging. Whether it’s the Model United Nations club about social justice or the Salsa Club to dance joining a club with shared interests will connect you to embrace the uniqueness of your particular interests. It’ll allow you to be comfortable and build a small network of people who can encourage and celebrate your interests.
4. Intentional Conversation
Often times these social events are fun, but the conversations can be superficial. Ask yourself what you want out of a friend? Become the friend that you want to be by asking inquisitive questions that may reach a deeper level. It begins with intentional conversation about really following up on people’s life changes or experiences. Building this sort of communication can increase inner intimacy between friendships and strengthen a lasting bond.
Takes Time to Adjust
Don’t focus on the results of immediate social interactions. It takes time to build friendships and become involved in a club or community. Just remember to keep going and maintain slow resilience and you’ll eventually get where you want to be.