Not enough girls are told they are beautiful these days. Every day in high school I would walk to class feeling like if I was not pretty or that I was too big compared to other girls. I would walk around looking confident on the outside, while on the inside I was broken and my self-esteem was at a rock bottom. When people meet me at first, I always try to be positive and outspoken. I am always happy in front of others to cover the barrier of what my true feelings are. I know I am not the first girl to ever feel insecure about my weight and appearance, so I wanted to share my story to others and let them know that they are not alone.
Since I was eight years old, I have always been the chubby little girl in the playground, and it was not a big deal until I was in fifth grad. I was always teased about my weight and other kids would always call me “fat” or “fatass.” I would sometimes go home and lock myself in the bathroom and cry until. My mom worked all day so when she came home I was done crying, making it look as if nothing had ever happened. One day I was left alone with a guy at my aunt’s house because my mom and my brothers had gone out to run an errand. He started touching me in inappropriate places and at the time I did not know what he wanted and I started crying but he told me that it was going to be okay. After he told me that, I ran away and locked myself in one of the rooms. I stayed there until my mom came looking for me. She saw my puffy eyes and asked me what was wrong; I lied to her and told her that I missed her. Until this day, I have not seen that man and hope that I never will.
I was left emotionally scarred because when I turned 13 I knew exactly what the man who abused me wanted, and I was scared to even communicate with older men. My mechanism to feel better was eating my feelings whenever I could. Whenever I was sad, I would eat. Whenever I would feel alone, I would keep eating. Eating always made me feel better, but it also made me get bigger. In high school my lowest point was when I weighed about 300 lbs. I was always eating because it was comforting to me. I never told anyone about my struggles until one day in high school, my best friend Maria came to my house and found me crying in my bedroom. She asked me what’s wrong that I was not being myself. There was a week where I barely even talked to any of my friends. I remember this day like if it were yesterday.
I remember I was hanging out with a group of friends in high school and I had told my friends about this guy I had a crush on, but never had the confidence to talk to. My supposed friend Ana later that day started talking to him but I didn’t think much of it. Within a few days I found out that they had started dating. I confronted Ana about it and she said “You swear he would go out with your fatass.” I broke down and when I got home I started bawling my eyes out in my bathroom. I started to become depressed because of what she told me. I decided not to eat almost anything and when I would go to school I would ignore everyone around me. I did not want to talk to anyone and in school during lunch instead of hanging out with my friends I would stay in a classroom and put my head down. I hated who I was and wished that I was in somebody else’s body. I hated everything about me. When my best friend Maria found me, she came to me and hugged me. She told me to tell her what is wrong. In order to understand my story I told her everything. She always knew I had weight insecurities but never thought it was to that extent. After that day, she would always come to my house and hang out. I would talk to her about anything. She would tell me to be positive and that she would help me get in shape to become a more positive being.
I can say today that my best friend saved my life. She has been with me through thick and thin and I am blessed to have her in my life. I used to be a lot bigger in high school than I am right now in college. She helped me become more outgoing and to live my life the way I want to and not the way others want me to. I have been through so much in my life that what I have been through has only made me stronger. I finally also told my mom about my weight insecurity and about how I was abused when I was younger. She has helped me overcome my weight issues and has been by my side to become more successful. I can now say that I don’t care about what others think only I care what I think. I choose to love myself unconditionally and tell people my story to let other beautiful women know that they are not alone.
I am now living happily and when I feel like those insecurities coming back, I always communicate with my friends to feel better. A great support system and positive thinking helped me overcome my issues. Love yourself for who you are and do not let others bring you down!
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