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Sex + Relationships

Between all the Jay Gatsby’s and the Sebastian Wilder’s

There are two types of people in this world. Good and bad. Nice and mean. Selfless and selfish. You name it, the list goes on and on. Most specifically, in relationships, there is the lover and the beloved. Among them, are the Jay Gatsby’s and the Sebastian Wilder’s. 


When investing your time into someone, it is important to understand that each partner should have equal status in the relationship. Granted, there will be times where you are loved and your partner is the lover. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it just means that sometimes things get hard and they have to do a little more of the heavy lifting. However, this should also apply vice versa. 


Sometimes, they need to be the one who is loved. Hint: we all do. 

If you find yourself playing one role permanently, take note of it. Either make up for your shitty actions and help them feel wanted or realize that your relationship will not survive solely on the weight of your back. Regardless of how much they took your breath away the first few dates, sometimes you need to breathe fresh air. 


So, stop. 

(Photo courtesy of indiewire.com)


Stop remembering the time they walked in and you swore you could actually hear Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey playing in the background. The times they did absolutely nothing more than drink a coffee and how it felt like your whole life had been set up for you to witness that very moment. The days that time ceased to exist when you were with them – the nights you spent hours and hours together and it still didn’t seem like enough. 


You’ll only find yourself wondering, what more can I give? What more can I buy? What more can I do? And when you’re in love, is it ever really enough?


The answer is YES. There is such a thing as enough when you’re doing it for the sake of keeping the wrong person. Firstly, don’t be Jay Gatsby. You could throw the most extravagant parties on your side of the coast, shower them in silk imported from India, and even promise them the world. But the truth is if they wanted to be with you, they would. Don’t be that person who thinks materialistic things are going to be what’s gonna win over the person that you’re pining for — and if it does, run. If you don’t trust anything in your life, trust this – they’re in it for the wrong reasons. 


So when you find yourself asking, is it ever really enough — first ask yourself, if the relationship even worth sticking around to find out. Is it worth running yourself dry or burning yourself out in order to please someone else? I’ll give you the answer – it’s not. Every relationship should be about meeting each other halfway, 50/50. But if you find yourself mimicking Jay Gatsby’s behavior, here’s your reality check: 


KNOW YOUR WORTH. Put your time and effort into someone that is giving you that same energy back. You deserve it. So instead of toasting to partners who are unfit to love you the way you have earned, toast to yourself. For being a worthy lover and going forward on your quest to find someone who can match what it is that you have to offer. It’ll be hard, I know. But there are worse things in life than not ending up with someone like Daisy Buchanan.

(Photo courtesy of reviewingperformances.blogspot.com)


In contrast to Daisy Buchanan, sometimes the problem may not be your partner. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it plain old luck. But not every partner is meant to be your forever. 


Some people are only meant to serve a purpose in your life. Some people are only meant to teach you things. To help get you ready for the next big moment in your life. And that’s all they should be. Now, this doesn’t mean to use them and run with it — it means, enjoy the time you do have with them. The laughs you’ll share, the tears you’ll shed and even the arguments that are bound to happen. But when it’s time to let go for good, don’t fight it. 


Don’t get caught in the midst of trying to make up for the past when your life has completely moved on. The five years that are struggling on their lips are there for a reason and some things are better left unsaid. Instead, like Sebastian Wilder, smile at what you had and appreciate it for what it was. Take one last look at them and silently thank them for helping get you to the place you are now. 


It seems like, especially in this generation, people tend to forget that relationships can end amicably. Time keeps going and it’s important that we go with it. So yeah, sometimes you and the person that you’re desperately trying to make it work with go in different directions. Sometimes, it doesn’t work despite them matching your effort. Sometimes, it’s just not the right time. Sometimes, as cruel as it may seem at that moment, you don’t get the person you want. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. 


That doesn’t mean your life hasn’t navigated you to the exact place that you’re supposed to be for now. 


(Photo courtesy of google.com)


And SO WHAT if National Text Your Ex Day was this week (what a stupid idea anyway, really, who came up with that?). Do not use that as an excuse to go back to situations that were not meant for you. Stop trying to make the wrong person feel like the right one. Do yourself a favor and quit living in the past – it’s due time to let go of people that do not help you grow. 


Jasmin Gonzalez

UC Riverside '20

From beauty tips, life hacks, personal diaries, social media cleanses, relationship advice and REALLY unveiling the realities of mental health; keep up with my journey on discussing it all!
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