When your social media feed is filled with posts from friends and colleagues getting engaged or having children, suddenly your own clock starts ticking faster. You find yourself choosing to spend that £50 on some decorative cushions instead of a new pair of shoes. You start looking for more comfort, choosing that 3ply toilet paper instead of the cheaper 2ply. You stop drinking to get drunk and drink to enjoy the drink or release stress. The pressure starts building up. You are thinking of saving money to put a down payment on a house. You start to ‘settle down’ with your partner or find a partner to settle down with. When he pops the question you will say ‘yes’ because that is what everyone is doing, and your clock is ticking. The pressure is building up.
Your friend from high school who just bought a house at 24, well let me tell you a little something about her. She lived rent free at her parents, saving up all these years for that down payment. She did not endure the same struggles you did. Your friend who just brought a fancy car. Let me tell you a little something about her. She saved up every penny. No drunken nights or holidays in Ibiza. She worked, she saved, she got a car. That was her priority. Your friend who just got engaged. Let me tell you a secret about her. She does not want to get married but she is left with no choice. Have you seen the cute baby picture’s of your friend’s 1-year-old? They are adorable! I did not know they made converse for toddlers. The goal of her life was to start a family, so she did. There is that one friend who never posts anything. Suddenly she updates her current job title to something super fancy. She had a goal and she gave up holidays, relationships and friendships to get her there.
Everyone’s story is different. Everyone’s struggles are different. Everyone’s goals are different. You do not know their struggles, stories, priorities or goals. You only know your goal and your resources. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Set a goal, work towards it. It is okay to buy a house at 25 or 30, as long as you do it at the time you want and when it feels right for you. It is okay to get married at 20 or 35 as long as you can look at the person you are marrying and think, there is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I think our 20s are meant to be difficult and confusing. You are bound to make a few mistakes, shed a few tears, drink too much alcohol, make some questionable decisions, waste money on stupid things but most importantly, learn. This is not to suggest that you walk into your 20s blindly but always know your options. Mistakes can’t always be un-done but it is never the end of the world. Got yourself in an unhappy relationship? leave. Studying a course you don’t enjoy? Drop-out. Doing a job you hate? quit.
One last piece of advice, the term ‘struggle’ is subjective. Your personal struggle may not be a struggle to someone else but don’t your ever think that you should feel stupid or weak for considering it a struggle. There may always be someone going through something worse but that does not mean you are not allowed to feel overwhelmed, sad and angry. Acknowledge your emotions. Give yourself a pat in that back because my dear, you will be the one taking care of yourself. You are your own responsibility.