We owe it to Sarah Everard.
I’m sure you have all heard about the tragic case of Sarah Everard. It’s been a reminder that women are never really safe. I know the scariness of what it’s like to be followed. I have been catcalled or stared at by grown men, feeling as if I just exist for male enjoyment.
Sarah was walking home from her friend’s house in London on March 3 when she went missing. And on March 9, a male police officer was arrested on suspicion of murder. The one who should have kept her safe is the reason she is gone. As of March 12, her remains were confirmed to be found.
Sarah did everything right. She took many precautions as a way to keep herself safe, which are ingrained in girls from a young age. Wearing bright clothing, having shoes that allow one to run and talking to someone on the phone. Yet, they weren’t enough. So, what’s the problem?
Maybe it’s the way the media and society perpetuate the narrative that it’s the victim’s fault.
Maybe it’s the way that women are taught to not share their sexual harassment stories so we don’t make men uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s the way that men become so defensive about these incidents that #notallmen starts trending on Twitter …
Let’s talk about how problematic the phrase “not all men” is. It is used as a way to silence women for expressing their fear about abuse. Yes, we know not all men partake in the violent actions towards women. But, how are we supposed to tell which ones do when we are walking around at night? It’s not like the perpetrators are walking around with signs. Us women have to assume it’s all men to keep ourselves safe. So stop making the abuse about you. No one is generalizing against all men. No one is saying men aren’t victims of violence. If you are offended by this, then you are missing the bigger picture.
If your immediate thought is “she shouldn’t have been walking home at night” instead of “he shouldn’t have kidnapped and murdered her,” then you may want to look inward and ask yourself why. Destroy the victim-blaming mindset we have been influenced to create.
I hold my keys between my knuckles. I avoid walking by myself. I share my location with friends. I lie about where I’m going in an Uber. I make fake phone calls when I’m uncomfortable. I walk with one headphone in. These actions are so normalized. We don’t even think twice about it. And that’s frightening.
Not enough is being done to change this cycle, and I wonder if my friends and I will ever feel safe for simply existing. Women are consistently burdened with the repercussions of men’s actions. “We should somehow have been more responsible.” God forbid we hold a man accountable in our inherently misogynistic system.
I believe Sarah’s case struck a chord with women so deeply because it’s something that we all relate to. We know it could have been us in her position.
My hope going forward is that our society stops the notion that a woman “led a man on.” That a woman “should have known better.” It’s not her fault.
To any man reading this … be a part of the change. Call out your friends for their sexist comments or inappropriate behavior. Be aware of your actions that could cause a woman to be uncomfortable. Allow your female friends to share their stories without invalidating their experiences. Help a woman if she looks like she needs it. We need you. The sole responsibility should not fall on women.
A woman shouldn’t have to lose her freedoms just to stay safe.
We owe it to Sarah Everard and every woman who has been abused.