I first downloaded Instagram when I was 13, in 2016. I remember the night very vividly: I was sitting on my couch with my friend, and she showed me something on Instagram and I decided I wanted to download it. My mother was never particular with my social media use, she trusted me enough to use it how I wanted to. To be fair, she was right to, the first picture that I ever liked was a picture of a cute little dog.I think my username was something like “@mollyjolly2003”, which, to an 18 year old me, is horrifying. But I suppose a 13 year old saw it fitting.
Now, after having Instagram for about eight years, I can safely say one thing: I hate it. I hate it more than I have ever hated a type of social media. It breeds insecurity and it makes comparison easy. When I first downloaded it, it was new and exciting and I didn’t take it seriously: I posted what I wanted when I wanted. It was a fun way to express myself. However, as I made my way through middle school and began learning how the internet worked, I decided to take it more seriously.
When I think about just how seriously I took it, I cannot help but cringe. I had a ‘theme’: a specific coloring and editing style that I applied to every picture that I posted. If a picture did not fit this said theme, I wouldn’t bother posting it. My sudden interest in the way I was perceived on social media was a direct result of watching too many influencers on YouTube and being exposed to Tumblr at too young of an age. This interest was not inherently negative, but it did end up breeding a complicated relationship with social media.
Ask anybody and they’ll agree when they say that social media harms young people. Not only is it a cesspool of insecurity, but it’s also a never ending exposure to the happenings in the modern day political and social world.
Naturally, as I got older and became my own person, insecurity set in.
Instagram became a contest: who could be in the coolest place and post the coolest picture? My following grew to over 2000, which is far too many lives to be seeing on a daily basis. I had, however, begun to rack up quite a following myself (not really, nowhere near some of the follower counts that I’ve seen on people’s accounts, but I still consider 1.2k quite a few people). This only fed my obsession, and soon I found myself checking Instagram close to, I would guess, every 20 minutes. I had rules for myself: I cannot post more than once a month, it has to be an “artsy” picture, and if it doesn’t get at least 5 likes within two minutes of posting, I would delete it and try again later.
I literally have a screenshot in my phone of the best times to post on Instagram.
It’s ok, you can laugh, it’s funny. I had myself fully convinced that I was some sort of influencer, and that that was the type of content I wanted my followers to see.
My followers did not care.
I’m not that way anymore, I promise.
Lately I’ve re-adopted the “post what I want, when I want” mindset.
I’ve decided that if I want my Instagram to be an accurate portrayal of me, then I need to let it be that! I’ve always tried to keep my online presence to a minimum, and I try not to reveal too much of myself and my life on my social media. Lately I’ve just been loving posting random photos that I like that I want to be a part of my digital footprint.
I still have my moments, every now and then. Sometimes, I get too wrapped up in the excitement of it all, seeing what my friends are up to, and sometimes it takes a dark turn down the comparison and insecurity rabbit hole. When that happens, I delete Instagram for a few days or until I’m ready for the media overload again, which is kind of never.
I’ve also significantly lessened my following count, now it is mostly people that I am friends with, or brands and celebrities that I don’t mind seeing on my feed. This has helped so much.
One of my main issues with Instagram is the amount of content and media that you can be exposed to in such a short amount of time. I am a very nervous person (ask literally any of my friends), and I think that a large part of this is due to the fact that I can log on to any social media platform at any time of the day and there will be a news overload. My generation is so exposed to everything that’s happening in the world, and it is very easy to get lost in it, which is why I take my occasional Instagram breaks.
Today’s society essentially circulates and functions around social media. Everything is everywhere, all of the time. It’s bound to be a little bit annoying. I’m still working on trying to find the perfect balance between my real life and my life on social media, and I don’t think that balance will ever be finalized, but that’s ok. In a world that is so controlled and impacted by social media, it is so important to recognize when you need a break.
PS, follow me on Instagram :) @molllysummers