Therapy. Seven little letters, but one big and emotional commitment. It is sometimes associated with “crazy” people who want and need to pay someone to tell their problems to. Or for those who are so emotional or physically distressed that they need professional help.
For me, I never thought that I would have to seek therapy at the Counseling Center at UC Irvine during this past Fall Quarter. I always thought that I could get through anything with a strong will and support system. But after hearing news that shook my self-identity and self-esteem, I found that I could not handle my own problems. I was distancing myself from family and friends so I would not have to talk about it. I found myself staying inside and away from the world, and convinced myself that I could not face my problems head-on. I became very irrational and emotional about everything. It was easier to be angry with the world instead of appreciating my life as it is.
Whenever I would hang out with my close friends, I would become nervous and distant. They knew what was on my mind but they couldn’t bring themselves to speak about the big elephant in the room. One night, one of my closest friends and I had a heart-to-heart conversation, and she told me that she was worried about me and did not know what she could do to help. Her suggestion was that I should look into the Counseling Center, before my mental and emotional state became worse.
The next day, I asked myself if I really needed to go to the Counseling Center. But after realizing that I would wake up almost every day crying, and could not sleep at night, I decided to make an initial appointment. If my high tuition covered these therapy sessions, I might as well go. In my case, the earliest appointment they had was about two weeks from the day I called.
For my first appointment, I did not know what to expect. I have never been to therapy before. The only time I had ever seen therapy sessions was in television and movies. And that image was one of lots of fake plants, a long, comfy couch and an old, bearded man asking me “How does that make you feel?” after I state each problem. I was scared I was going to get a mean therapist who would tell me to “get over it.” Another fear was opening up to a complete a stranger about the woes in my life. All of these thoughts were racing through my mind as I was walking into the Counseling Center.
When I got there, the receptionist was extremely welcoming and soothing. Before I met with the therapist, I had to fill out an intense questionnaire so that they would have a better idea of how to help me. I do not remember all of the questions, but I remember filling out information about my family, past relationships, academia, eating habits, sleep behavior, and drug use. The part that really got to me was the section in which I had to rank my different emotions. I found myself already crying before I even had to meet with my therapist. Waiting around to talk to a complete stranger about my problems was too overwhelming for me; I wanted to leave before I even got started. Nevertheless, I knew I had to tough it up.
Meeting with my therapist for the first time was a little nerve-racking—I felt like I was having a panic attack. I remember crying when I first met with him, because the questionnaire was looming in the back of my mind, and now I had to explain all of my answers in person. I thought to myself, “What if I answered the questions that made me look like a complete psycho?”
The initial session, which was the longest session, lasted about 90 minutes. In this session, the therapist looked at the questionnaire and based his observations from that. He would ask me about the “trouble” areas in the questionnaire in order to better understand.
I remember, surprisingly, that I really opened up to my therapist. I told him things that I would never dare to tell anyone in fear that I might be judged. We both figured out my problem but the real problem was how exactly to solve it. He asked me “What do I want to get out of therapy?” I told him something like, “I just want to feel happy again.” I knew in the back of my mind, I was the only one that can determine my own happiness but I needed help and assistance during my pursuit of happiness.
At the end of the appointment, I decided to continue with therapy because it felt so cathartic to let the problems out in the open. I told him it felt good to let it all out. We set-up a certain time and day that I would come in and work on improving my mental and emotional state.
I continued therapy for the rest of the quarter—UC Irvine covers 8 free sessions during the year. I do not want to get into the details of each session, because some are too emotional to share, or I just blocked them out of my mind so that I would not have to deal with the pain from my past. From each session I had with my therapist, I realized that the negative people and events in my life were the ones that I used to shape my life. I realized that this was a horrible habit and I need to surround myself with positive things. I should not have let others negatively influence me. After all, it is my life.
Overall, I feel better about myself because of therapy. Personally, it helped me connect the pieces in my continuing puzzle of life. At the end of the sessions, I would feel a little shaken but the feelings would go away once I realized that I was getting help. For my last session, my therapist suggested that I continue therapy through another agent. At that point, I realized it does not help to dwell on the past and that it was time to move forward with my life.
From therapy, I realized that life presents difficult situations that sometimes seem too impossible to recover from, but it does get better if you have an optimistic approach. And sometimes, we do help along the way to sort things out. Going to therapy does not make me “crazy.” Instead, it made me admit that I had a problem and that I wanted to fix it. With that, I suggest to anyone who is feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or just needs someone to talk to—that he or she should try out the UCI Counseling Center. It is a great resource on campus and I am glad that I utilized it.
For more information about the Counseling Center visit: http://www.counseling.uci.edu/