I’ve always heard that college is where you find friendships that will last a lifetime.
I always imagined myself finding a core group of people that I would instantly connect with. My newfound friend group and I would become inseparable. We’d do everything together, from cafe study dates to spontaneous beach trips to Disneyland adventures. In reality, I do not have an established friend group in college. Instead, I tend to float between multiple people. To be clear, I know people in college who I absolutely adore and love spending time with, but I haven’t formed a distinct group. I usually hang out with specific people in certain circumstances such as clubs, classes or events.
At first I found this discouraging and isolating, especially since I had a well established group of friends in high school. For a while, not having a group to rely on became the bane of my existence. I began to wonder if I was the problem. Am I too introverted or boring? Was I not trying hard enough? Do I have a resting bitch face? My intrusive thoughts got the best of me as I spiraled into self deprecation. However, sulking over Olivia Rodrigo songs was not going to help. I knew I had to eliminate that negative way of thinking. Nowadays, I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is okay and very normal in college. So, if you find yourself floating between friend groups too, do not worry!
Often times in college, you will have instances where you have a great time with someone and you may never see them again. It’s important to remember that the demands of being a college student can make it hard to balance a social life. Trying to juggle classes and other commitments while figuring out how to be an adult is not easy. Many of us can’t decide what we are having for dinner, let alone what to do with our lives. This is why having a few friends, or not having a friend group, is the reality for many. Floating between friend groups comes with its struggles, but also has its benefits. For example, my different friendships allow me to express different parts of my identity. I can stay in and rant about my latest obsessions and go out for a night of fun. It gives me the option to get to know people from various identities and cultures. This enables me to grow and become a better version of myself. I may desire more concrete relationships, but I’m still making memories I won’t forget with people I’m grateful for.
I was obsessed with the aesthetic of finding a tight knit community. It seemed like everyone else had one and I was the odd-one-out. I yearned for the close relationships that I saw on New Girl or The Bold Type. However, I learned we shouldn’t compare our lives to the parties or the brunches that we see through distorted lenses on social media or in popular culture. I am redefining how I think about friendships in college, and shedding my internal conceptions of being an outsider. It’s okay to not have that close friend group, but it doesn’t mean it won’t ever come.
The best connections happen organically and when you least expect it. Some people just take longer to find their place. When it comes to friends, it’s important to remember quality over quantity. In the meantime, don’t be discouraged from jumping out of your comfort zone. This may be by asking an acquaintance out to lunch, or forcing yourself to go to an event. Eventually, one of those awkward moments, or surface level introductions, will translate into you finding your squad. Until then, just keep floating.