Living with strangers can be extremely daunting, especially if those people ultimately aren’t individuals that you get along with on a personal level. Unfortunately, I have too much experience with bad roommates, resulting in me having to move out of my own apartment. So, I lend you this helpful advice to prevent the same mistakes.
Find people with similar living styles, lifestyles and energy levels as you
It is important to find people who have the same style of living as you. A living style is how a person exists in their environment. Do they priortize deep cleaning over all else? Do they need to have things organized and put back in place before they can rest? Are they more of a put it down and wash it later type of person? All these things factor into how compatible you may be with a roommate.
Additionally, lifestyle is important to note because some people are homebodies who never leave their space. Others are the opposite—always going out—these people tend to make the best roommates, especially if the homebody needs alone time. In contrast, two homebodies may make for a hostile living situation if they don’t particularly get along.
Energy level is also necessary in figuring out who to room with. If someone is super hyper, rarely sleeps and constantly chatting they should not room with someone who is the opposite of them: low-energy, eternally tired and who rarely speaks up. It’s a recipe for disaster, trust me.
Create HARD boundaries early on and STAY FIRM to those boundaries
State exactly what boundaries you need, if your roommates cross that line, then have a plan in place to either reestablish it or leave (it won’t get better if they’re unwilling to accept this boundary). These boundaries are SUPER important to establish early on so that everyone in the household is aware of what is expected of them. Additionally, if there is reluctance about these boundaries before moving in, DO NOT MOVE IN.
Making a roommate contract is also beneficial if possible so that you all can refer back to it if certain things start changing– or if they start going back on their word or crossing boundaries. Again, do this at the very beginning before moving in together. Spot problems early!
Make sure you’re signing AN INDIVIDUAL LEASE
I cannot stress enough the importance of having an individual lease. Cover your ass and trust no one especially when it comes to money. By having everyone on their own individual leases there is no confusion about rent payments and security deposits between roommates, nor is there any room for roommates to either A.) decide not to pay rent, leaving the others to cover their portion until they do or B.) submit fluctuating payments, leaving the others to cover larger monthly portions. Security deposits are another huge thing that are vital to have under your name, and your name only, on your own individual lease. I made that mistake and have lost over $1000 because of it.
Don’t mix money.
Do NOT buy furniture, appliances, or any other large and/or expensive items together. Regardless of whether you split the price down the middle, one of you will take it with them at the time of move-out and there will be another issue. It’s also worth anticipating what will happen if one of you breaks it and/or damages it. Just don’t.
If you do, make sure you’re receiving payment upfront before purchasing the item. Just be mindful of your money and dealing with monetary favors for your roommates. Be plain and upfront about payments and keep track of EVERYTHING. Bad roommates have no chill and might manipulate you into paying on rent, utilities, security deposit, charges, etc., if you’re not careful. Yes, this happened to me.
Communicate.
Communication with roommates is crucial, especially if they aren’t the best people to live with. Remember, you don’t have to be confrontational to bring up issues you’re facing while living in the shared space. Just be open to discussing what is bothering you and don’t be afraid to speak up when something has gone too far. Bad roommates can be passive aggressive and even aggressive people, being open and honest is how you will combat this. Put the ball is their court and see how they respond rather than keeping things to yourself which will only increase your frustration on the matter. A solution would be to have weekly, in-person, roommate meetings to openly discuss any concerns and issues arising. Avoiding problems and/or your roommates seems like the best option, but it will only foster resentment in the end.
Throw all expectations out the window.
Don’t expect your roommates to be good or moral people. I couldn’t believe some of the stuff my roommates put me through and simply didn’t know how to react, because I would never do those things to my roommate. Don’t have expectations for them on how they should act or treat you because these expectations will turn into hope and ultimately blind you from the way they are presenting themselves to you.
Separate your space and your stuff.
Keep your things separate from others unless you’re completely fine with anyone using your things at any time—even if you are in need of it at that particular moment. If you need to, keep all your things in one place away from their things. That way, there should be no reason for them to meddle with your stuff. If you’re sharing a bedroom with someone, this is a bit more challenging. Be open about how you feel about them touching and/or using your things. I’ve noticed this issue most often with roommates who are friends. One friend thinks it’s okay to use something of the other without asking, because they’re friends. You should always ask.
Make a chore chart
Regardless of whether or not you think you need one, make one so things are equally divided. You can take pictures of your completed chores and things you’ve cleaned when you’ve finished so they can’t blame you for A.) not cleaning it or B.) making it dirty again.
Move out
Obviously this is for the worst case scenario, but if you’ve gotten to the point where you just can’t take it anymore, move out. But first, talk to the leasing office and explain your situation. Most employees are willing to help in any way they can. Roommate removal forms are available in most apartments that will waiver a break of lease fee from the roommate wanting to move. Yet, in group leases, your money will most likely stay with those still present on the lease. Upon moving out, KEEP YOUR KEY until everything that is yours is out of the apartment AND your name is officially off the lease.
Roommates are a huge challenge going into adulting. Some people get super lucky and find forever friends, others—like me — experience something close to hell. Little things can make all the difference when it comes to choosing roommates and going on to live with them. Still, the saying rings true that you don’t really know a person until you’ve lived with them.