How this Fall's Mercury in Retrograde will F&%! you up Based on your Astrological Sign

For me, the scariest thing about this Halloween was Mercury going into retrograde for the third time this year. Yes. On October 31, 2019, Mercury started its apparent backward trek on its path in space, which means that my life is definitely on its way to falling apart (for the third time this year). For those of you who don’t know what Mercury in Retrograde is, here is a good explanation of the basics. While Mercury retrograde drastically affects communication, technology and travel for all of us, every retrograde has different effects on each of the signs. Here is how Mercury will f*** you up this retrograde season based on your astrological sign.


Aries: Oh Aries. I love you, but you can be so impulsive, stubborn and reckless sometimes. Because of this, when Mercury throws a tough situation your way, instead of facing the situation head on, you might just run away. Specifically this retrograde, you might have communication issues with some of the people closest to you. Maybe deep down you’ll know how you’ve hurt someone’s feelings but not be ready to deal with the consequences of it. So maybe you’ll book a flight across the country to avoid the situation. Or instead you’ll blow up about it in public? Now that I’ve warned you maybe try not to let this happen? 

Taurus: You’re so extra. You constantly need to be pampered and plan your life around feeling of most pleasure and comfort in every situation you’re in. When Mercury messes up your travel plans and you don’t get your usual seat on the train, it really grinds your gears. Why should you be forced to stand when you have weak ankles? And to make this whole debacle even worse, the cafe cart downstairs ran out of grilled cheese… 

Gemini: You really are a work hard play hard kinda gal, aren’t you. These two sides of you are especially apparent when midterm season falls in line with festival season. You just finished your most difficult midterm and are an hour and a half into your drive to Vegas when you realize… you forgot to bring your tickets for the festival. Thanks Mercury. Of course this cursed planet would go around and mess up your plans when you needed to catch a break the most. I guess my only advice this retrograde is to try not to get so caught up in your un-fun obligations that you forget to properly plan for your fun times.  

Cancer: You beautiful, emotional hamster. Mercury is going to throw some turmoil your way in the form of extremely intense feelings. Unfair, I know. You already feel too much. This retrograde, try not to be so hard on yourself. Unexpected things may come your way but it’s important to remember that none of these things are your fault. When Mercury causes your world to become living hell, remember to keep your friends close and ask for help when you need it. 

Leo: I know you’re a drama queen, but this is a little excessive. So you ran into your crush at Chipotle and now, 24 hours later, you’re still emotionally wrecked. You then proceed to tell the story 10 times to your friends who definitely don’t want to hear about this rando anymore. And because you’re thinking about this fool you barely know, you don’t start studying for your midterms until the very last minute. And yeah, Mercury is in retrograde but honey, I think you only have yourself to blame for this one...

Virgo: Surprisingly, Mercury is in your favor this time. You probably have really good karma or something because unexpected travel plans will make it so you get to spend some time with one of your favorite people who you haven’t seen in forever. Everything really falls into place for you and honestly, you deserve it. The only downside of this retrograde for you is that some of your fun plans will be cancelled, but that’s okay. Your chill won’t get disturbed because you are surrounded by the best and can have fun no matter what you’re doing.

Libra: You are a huge babe and my unproblematic fave. You’re all about being ethical, fair and considerate. So when Mercury puts you in between two of your feuding friends… what are you going to do? In this situation, try to see the argument from both perspectives. Although you may be tempted to see it in black and white, you don’t want to get on a friend’s bad side during an argument you aren’t even a part of. 

Scorpio: Mercury is in retrograde… in Scorpio. Oh no. This could either mean you’re really in your element or Mercury is going to bring out the worst in you. Let’s just assume that you’re feeling dark and manipulate, as per usual, and predict that you are going to try to meddle with people’s feelings to get what you want. And it’s probably going to work out for you. I feel bad for your friends. 

Sagittarius: You love travel and spontaneous adventure. However, Mercury is about to mess this one up for you. Whether train, plane or car, be careful this retrograde. Maybe instead of travelling, focus on your… stationary goals? Bummer. Maybe try astral projection. Or yoga. 

Capricorn: You are hardworking, focused and diligent. You never let anything get in the way of your work. However, when Mercury goes into retrograde this time, you will be tempted by distractions which is quite unusual for you. While you may see this as a bad thing, it might be a good thing for you to focus on having a bit of fun for once. This retrograde, take time to relax. Text that cutie back, go to the gym or get KBBQ with friends instead of making sure you get that 113% in your most difficult class. It’s not a bad thing to be distracted by an interesting change in communication that Mercury will likely bring about. 

Aquarius: There may be a certain neutral someone in your life who has suddenly, like Mercury, changed their path in your life. That previously neutral someone may now be a special someone or may be a casual someone or may just be extremely confusing and make you want to delete all emotions permanently. However, you can get through this. Mercury will toss a ton of miscommunication your way which will make this ambiguous gray blob of a semi-romantic situation seem un-casual. And, for the record, all you wanted in the first place was casual. So keep it that way!  

Pisces: Mercury in Retrograde? More like MerCRYry in RetroPAIN amiright ladies? Okay listen. You have so many tears running down your face that you are practically swimming in them. You have become the fish that they make fun of you for being. But you have control of your own destiny. So what if you were bullied because your shiny shirt had sequins that vaguely resembles scales? Who cares if you won the “holding your breath underwater” competition just to be nicknamed “barnacle boy” by your crush? You’re still you. And underneath the teary, fishy exterior- well, there’s yet another fish underneath.