It’s no secret that the 2020 election is charged with tension, perhaps more so than any other election in living memory. With voters more politically polarized than ever, America is sitting on a powder keg, and Nov. 3 might just be the day that makes it explode. The divisive rhetoric perpetuated by politicians throughout this election cycle only makes it easier to hate the other side. But what do you do when party lines cut across family lines?
On your kitchen table, Democrat and Republican campaign mail lie side by side. Fox News is on blast in one room while CNN plays in another. Things get heated over dinner, with everyone interrupting each other like candidates for the presidency. Unfortunately, Donald Trump and Joe Biden aren’t the only ones shouting over each other; any political discussions at home quickly devolve into an argument.
It’s rough to listen to family members making derisive comments about the candidate you support, worse still when they extend their sneers and ridicule to all of your candidate’s supporters. Worst of all is when your political disagreements begin to reveal fundamental differences in your moral values and worldview.
I’ve been in this situation, and I think the best thing to do is to put up boundaries on political or news-related discussions. Simply put, if you can’t talk with your family about politics, don’t talk about it at all. Being able to agree to disagree is a valuable skill, but it only works when both people—or both parties, if you will—are on the same page about how to handle disagreements. Sometimes, maintaining an open dialogue is not worth it at the expense of your relationship. Tell your relatives (or friends, or neighbors, or significant others) that all political talk is off the table and that if you hear any more snide comments while watching the news, you will be leaving the room. You could even use the sandwich method, a communication technique I picked up at UCI’s Counseling Center. You start by expressing your desire not to hurt the other person or something positive about the situation, followed by a “but.” The “but” is your complaint, followed by your suggested compromise or solution. It’s essentially a grievance sandwiched between two positive statements. For example: “Hey, I know politics is really important to you, but I find it stressful to talk about the news so much/I find it disrespectful when you trash X’s supporters when you know that’s who I’m voting for/insert your own complaint here. I’d like it if we agreed to not talk about the news so much/not watch the news in front of each other/insert your own solution here.”
It can be an uncomfortable process to set these kinds of boundaries, especially if you’ve never done anything like it before. You may have to keep gently reminding people to respect your space. But putting a cap on the political talk just might save your relationship in the difficult year of 2020.