It has been two years and I am still struggling with the effects that the pandemic has had on me and my mental state.
There are still those who believe it to be a hoax or an exaggeration. Those who think wearing a mask infringes on their freedom but have no worries on spreading the disease to the most vulnerable of society. If I see another “Pro-life” person refuse to wear a mask, I may lose my mind (if it’s still there at all).
Two years ago, the world shut down because of COVID-19. Like many, I lost my job, spent my college years on my couch and spent most waking hours on TikTok.
Anxiety and depression have been the only constants in life. These past years were filled with moments of change or being forced with the same moments over and over again. I now have a deficiency in Vitamin D, after spending two years out of the sun, which only causes more symptoms of depression.
Three months into the pandemic, I found myself sitting everyday in front of my laptop attending one of my Zoom classes, because I had no other option. At one point, I turned off my camera, cut about six inches off my hair and then turned my camera back on. The need to have something that I could control was so strong that I cut off my own hair.
I remember being in class, seeing the strands of hair over my desk and computer. It was a moment of surrealism that helped me touch back into reality. An extroverted person who was used to seeing thousands of people each day, now was forced to see the same three family members for an unforeseeable future.
Eventually, everyone started to virtually see each other. It was never the same though. No plant could ever be sated with a picture of the sun.
The first time that I hung out with people was for a birthday party. A bunch of my friends all got together and it was perfect. I remember crying out of pure happiness. Just being in their presence made me so happy that I could not help but cry, which is surprising because as someone who knows me or reads my articles, I am completely emotionally stable (right, right?).
As someone who is immune compromised, I came to the conclusion that if I get COVID, it is very likely that I will be hospitalized. Although I am now double vaccinated and boosted, that fear is still there. Each and every time that I leave my place, I wonder if today will be the day.
That sounds dramatic, I know, but it has an air of truth to it. From wet coughs to masks around chins, the world sounds and looks like a zombie movie. So, when there are infections popping up around me like gophers in a field, I wonder if I will be the next one.
This is the life we are living, muttering to ourselves: “This is the Bad Place” while the world crumbles around us. People are dying daily from COVID and there may be another World War on the horizon. How can anyone survive while we are constantly reminded that not everyone has this luxury?
Well, we can try to focus on the good (which can be hard, if not impossible).
I may have lost my job at Disneyland, but now I am back at the happiest place on earth. While I am not on the same path that I was pre-pandemic, this path is still good. I have made new connections across departments and have become someone dependable.
Sometimes feeling alone is the only feeling available, which is likely why my brother got a puppy during quarantine. That puppy, Koda, has given us so much joy (despite his mission to eat everything: from couches to phone cases).
If you have a pet, give that tiny animal some love for all the comfort they’ve provided you.
While I have lost friendships, which still hurt more than I would care to admit, the ones that have stuck around only grew stronger. My brother’s girlfriend, who I was not too close with before the pandemic, is someone who I grew to genuinely adore. I always wanted a “sister” and I am so glad that I have one.
Although TikTok has sent me down rabbit hole after rabbit hole, it got me back into reading. Once I learned how to read, I consumed literature more than I breathed (for someone who constantly forgets to breathe—this exaggeration is not far off). But when school became more demanding and depression got stronger, I read less and less.
That was until the world ended and I had only free time. BookTok gave me the opportunity to connect with people who loved reading. I began to grow my collection and reading became a weekly, if not daily break from the mundane. Whenever I read, I try to escape into the book which is a necessity in our time.
Currently, I am a bridesmaid for two weddings for some of the best humans that I know. Even though I plan to make all of the 27 Dresses references (they knew what they were signing up for when they asked me), I am so honored.
I have spent a lot of time writing my future novels and once I graduate, I will spend even more time focused on that.
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Will there be a time where we can comfortably and safely be with each other, and without masks? Hopefully. Do we need to actually start treating one another like family rather than “the other”? Yes. Will our children need to fight for rights like we are now? Hopefully not.
None of us know what will happen in an hour, let alone tomorrow. So, let’s not waste a moment. As long as we remember that there is more to the world than our individual selves, we’ll be just fine.