When I was 14 years old I made a promise to myself that I would not date until I could drive. In theory, it seemed like the right decision: Who wants their mom to drive them to a date?
But when I finally got my license, I also got a job, life got more hectic, and my sentiment morphed from being too young to being too busy. I closed myself off and kept telling myself that I was just too busy and would never be able to commit to a relationship fully.
Despite the repetition of this mantra, I could not help but want to be whisked away by the blur that is teenage romance.
I kept this mindset all throughout high school and when I graduated, life finally seemed to slow down. I was moving across the country to college in just three months and dating was the last thing I wanted to do.
Until I met him.
We clicked instantly. I would see him for hours on end and even hang out with him more than once a day. We both knew that with me moving to college, there was no future for us, but I was determined to soak up as much as I could.
It felt unfair. Why was it that after all of this time, I finally found the time, and yet there was no time left? As my moving date got closer, I felt time’s hand tightening its grip on me. Panicking, I left. Without an explanation, I quit all communication with him and decided I would save us both the heartbreak.
I still think about him and this past summer a lot. I can almost still smell the sweet ice cream permeating the air as we sat people-watching in the park until the sun went down. Though the months I spent with him were fleeting, I learned that there will never be enough time.
Time was an excuse I used to scare away love, but in turn, it just left me alone. Life can be busy and, honestly, it always will be. But, if you like someone, forget about the time. You aren’t too busy. So many experiences will pass you by if you keep looking down at your watch.
I wish I didn’t run away this summer, but you can’t turn back time just as much as you can’t control it. I let the clock intimidate me. So I urge you to throw away your internal clock, let yourself love, and live for the sunsets in the park.