For the longest time, I’ve wondered who my people really are. I wasn’t lucky enough to grow up with a “best friend since childhood,” even though I was born and raised in the Bay Area through third grade. After studying abroad and coming back in fourth grade, I felt like I had to relearn the culture and figure out how to fit in all over again.
I made friends. Some I’m still connected with today, but I’ve held onto certain relationships longer than I should have. I think part of me was chasing the idea of what others had: those lifelong friendships that started when they were kids. Because of that, I kept some toxic people close, convincing myself they were my best friends.
But that made me start asking a different question: who really is your best friend?
My best friend lives in Washington, D.C. Funny enough, we first met when I was in sixth grade and she was in fifth, but we weren’t actually friends back then, just acquaintances. One memory I’ll never forget is during my first outdoor karate test. While I was doing push-ups, she accidentally threw rocks in my face. At the time, I thought she did it on purpose because she had this reputation for being tough, people even called her “the Great.”
As time went on and I advanced in my belts, we started crossing paths more often. We had mutual friends, and little by little, we began talking. I don’t remember the exact moment we became close, but I do remember wanting to be friends with her. She just had that energy. She was simply “that girl.”
“I don’t remember the exact moment we became close, but I do remember wanting to be friends with her.”
Jiya Sodhi
Everything really changed during quarantine. We’re both preparing for major tests, my black belt and her second-degree black belt, and trained together under a master who, looking back, created a really uncomfortable and sometimes harmful environment. As two people of color, we didn’t feel respected, and some of the conversations he had with us weren’t appropriate for our age. It’s a difficult experience, but in a strange way, it brought us closer.
That said, she isn’t my best friend because of what we went through. She’s my best friend because of who she is. When my grandfather passed away, she didn’t just check in on me, she checked in on my family and even my extended family. That meant everything to me. My family is such a big part of my life, and the fact that she cared about them showed me the kind of person she is.
Even though we live across the country and don’t get to see each other often, I know that if I ever need her, she’ll be there, no hesitation.
To me, a best friend isn’t defined by how long they’ve been in your life. It’s about who shows up for you and for the people you love. It’s someone who can make you laugh so hard you’re on the floor, someone who pushes you to grow, and someone who stands by you no matter the distance.
She came into my life unexpectedly, but she’s been my sunshine ever since. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade this friendship for any “since kindergarten” story or movie-perfect version of what friendship is supposed to look like.
I love what I have, and I know how lucky I am.