The first thing that should come to mind when you are selecting your friends during your college years is whether or not you could see the relationship lasting for a lifetime. These friendships should be based on the respect of the mutual growth of both people, who want the best for each other. You want someone who you would leave your kids with on a weekend if you’re on vacation. I mean that’s kind of extreme, but these are your core growth years, wouldn’t you want to spend time around people who support your growth as a human being?
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Find friends who are happy for you when you accomplish something you were excited about.
College is about trying to gather experience and get involved with things you care about. When you get that first big internship, or you get to be involved in some activity that’s unique and important in its own right, and that’s hard for some others to swallow. Sometimes we want what other people have, so we cannot be happy for them if they achieve our goals. It’s important to spend time with others who are excited for you when you achieve something that they might not have. Friendship is not about one of you being better than the other one, it is about supporting and lifting up the other person when they have accomplished something great.
2. Don’t find friends who speak negatively about their other friends.
If someone is telling you all about another person’s private life, or even clarifying what they believe is wrong with someone else, then they are most likely doing the same thing behind your back as they are doing behind this other person’s back. If this is a person they spend a lot of time with, then the negative speech would mean that they quite possibly don’t really value that friendship, or friendship in generals. Harboring negative attitudes towards others you are supposed to care about makes you appear a bit shady.
3. If someone seems to only want to be around you when they need something, they probably aren’t genuine.
You want to find people who want to be around you for your personality and not just the benefits they could be gaining from your friendship. Whether it’s the ability to get into parties, or to ask you for help whenever they need it, you should probably distance yourself from these types of people in order to focus on maintaining friendships with those who enjoy your actual personality.
4. The people you mesh with automatically are most likely those who will be the best to be around.
There will be those, far and few, who you will connect with automatically; hold onto them. When you find someone who you feel comfortable being yourself around right off the bat, it is a sign that they will support the growth you want to foster throughout college.
5. You want these people to be honest.
Honesty leads to trust, and trust leads to a stronger bond between two people. You want someone who respects you enough to be honest with you when you ask for advice, whether the advice is about family difficulties, relationships, classes, or any life issue that you may have. This type of honesty proves that they feel comfortable enough around you to voice their opinions. People that aren’t honest won’t make you feel very good about yourself, because you will probably gather that they aren’t honest from their actions that do not relate to you, and you’ll lose the faith that you had in those people.
6. You want these people to be kind.
I would love to spend my days around others who speak only of the positive traits in others and in life, rather than just commenting on how negative every situation is. You practice what you preach, and if you are preaching negativity, or it is being preached to you, then you are more likely to be a negative person. This does not support happiness or positivity.
7. This is more optional, but I enjoy those I can study around for occasional laughter breaks.
I, for one, really want to excel during my years at Cal, and I find that those who have the same expectations for themselves reinforce the habits that I would like myself to have. It’s an outside type of influence that aids you in making better decisions about taking care of yourself, as you can see that others feel the same and care just as much about their wellbeing and their education.
At least for me, I know that the type of personality characteristics I have are either supported or rejected by those that I choose to spend time with. I would rather learn to foster the happiness and success in others, rather than learn that I only want those things for myself. I do not want to waste energy learning selfish behavior, I want to spend time with those who have the same ideals as I do.